Without the Sun
by russetfurbr
Summary: Imprinting was what bought Jacob to Renesmee. But destiny has its own plans for her. One that includes her choosing her high school boyfriend over him. * Nominated for Avant Garde Twilight FanFiction Awards *
1. Fairy Tale

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

I don't regret it.

Even now when I look back and feel the weight of all things that were misunderstood, unsaid and wrongly managed I still feel that every choice I made was right. The happiness of my brief blissful times with her will feed my soul for the rest of my existence.

It's just that… never mind! You can't undo things only with mind power, can you?

As I think back, I have to ask myself why I hadn't noticed it in the beginning. Of course, it was the type of thing that slowly enters in your brain, you know?

Like when you have a scratch but only two days later you see the allergy marks on your skin… But it was there and every time I think about it I see all the things I've done wrong, all the words I could've said to make it different.

It started at Partmann High School, the first one we enrolled together.

She was so excited and happy. She finally would be able to interact with the "outsiders" – as we used to call the people that weren't in on the secret, like a private joke – and experiment "normal life".

Because nothing to us is normal, every tiny bit of our lives is an immense mess. My name is Jacob Black and I'm a werewolf – shape shifter actually, but saying werewolf make it more impressive – who used to live in a house with eight vampires, and a half breed.

Okay, it must not seem too unusual since it makes sense that mythical creatures that were supposed to be alive only in movies, comics or books lived together to protect each other.

But the case is that our kinds are natural enemies, like cats and rats.

My kind was first created to protect normal people, and destroy vampires to prevent them to kill innocents. As you might have figured out, life isn't always simple as being created for something, and that's the end of the story.

Let me tell a little fairy tale: the story of my life.

I once loved a girl, Isabella Swan. However, she was in love with one of those same vampires that were my enemies, Edward Cullen. Long story short, I tried to fight for her love, and had to watch defenselessly as she chose him over me, married him, and became pregnant to his child who we all – the Quileute's pack, and her family, including her husband – believed was a monster, an abomination that would kill Bella and all the town's population.

Turns out that the baby in no way had a murderous intent – in fact, she was the most perfect, beautiful, smart, and sweet child I ever saw, and I doubt that's going to exist some other that overcome her – but she did almost kill Bella at the delivery.

Edward had to change her mother into a vampire to save her. Bella is still alive in a way. Her death occurred because the baby was too strong, and had to practically be ripped out of her belly.

And that's where I came to the story again. When the pack's members found out about the baby they got terrified because they – as everybody else – didn't know what could result of this race mix. They thought about murdering the baby before she was even born.

Of course, the process would also murder her mother, but they thought that it would be a justified sacrifice. Casualties of war.

Being absolutely in love as I was, I tried to protect Bella, putting myself – and some other wolves – between them. It was a painful experience, something that I don't like to talk about even today, after ten years. So I was there when the baby had born. And that's when my fairy tale began, due to another particularly interesting thing about being a werewolf.

After the first time we phase, we are able to imprint, which is kind of like a magic that allow us wolves to recognize our soul mates in the instant we look into the eyes of our correspondent ones, no matter the difference between the wolf and his imprintee.

In my case I imprinted on a half human-half vampire infant. Bella's daughter.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen. My Nessie.

It might sound creepy to say that I knew I was bonded to love eternally this person in the first hour of her birth, but imprinting it's a beautiful process.

When the wolf find his mate, and both of them are adults, it turns out to be the same thing as love at first sight, but infinitely more potent.

When the girl is a child, though, the wolf's feelings are the ones of a big brother, protector and best friend. He would wait for years until his imprintee is old enough to understand the power of their connection, and he'd hope that, when the time comes, she chooses to be his lover.

Because unlike the wolf, the imprintee has a choice.

And that's where my fairy tale ended. Because in the end, she didn't choose me.


	2. Becoming Popular

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Are you sure?" Nessie asked me timidly.

"Of course I am, angel. You'll be fine and they'll love you. Now, let's get going or you're gonna be late for your first class, and I don't think the teacher would be very impressed with your bad timing," I replied, lightly, trying to make her feel more at ease.

We were heading for class after getting our schedules at the school office, and she was feeling anxious because she'd be alone for her morning classes. I knew she'd feel like this, but we had discussed that before enrolling in school, and she agreed.

It would be good for her to be on her own in the beginning. She would be forced to interact, and socialize with the other students. We knew that she needed this time for herself. To find new friends, and have her own experiences for once. That was the whole point for signing up in High School.

At first, Edward and Bella had not been very happy about this, but when Edward saw in her mind how happy she was with this new experience, they didn't have the heart to stop her. So they went to look for a private school, not too fancy, where we could blend in better than Forks High School, since it was obvious that the Cullens draw too much attention, with being so wealthy and everything.

They refused to participate, though, because her father said that it was torture enough having to listen to the men's thoughts about Bella in Forks, and he couldn't take it having to listen to the same for his little girl. Plus, Bella finally had enrolled college, so he followed his wife, taking some medical classes. Rosalie and Emmett were out on a honeymoon, after celebrating another wedding, without a return date. Jasper and Alice decided to follow Bella, taking some classes in college as well.

We were living in Seattle for a while; it was a good decision, a bigger city allowed us to remain a little bit unnoticed, and it was close enough from Forks and La Push, so we still could stay in touch with Charlie, Billy and the packs. It was just a twenty minute run in wolf form, and I was back at home every other day to check on my father, and fulfill my duties as Alpha.

The classes in our new school were okay, and I even got along with the basketball couch, Mr. Dawson. He was thrilled, and said that I had a good arm, when I hit the hoop from the three-point line. I was sure he thought that I would be his next star, but I was just having some fun, and sure wasn't interested in joining the team. I couldn't afford to draw this kind of attention to us. Besides, it was very annoying having to restrain my strength among all those fragile kids. Running in wolf form, and ripping human killer vampires apart was so much better.

I had lunch with Nessie that day, and was relieved to see how much fun she was having in her classes. We ate alone, but I could tell that she had already made friends, since she waved to a bunch of people while we walked through the cafeteria.

She kept babbling about how different it was to actually having teachers, and not her family, schooling her, and how strange the other kids behaved. She was a little worried about the obvious differences between her and the other girls, but I reassured her that no one could actually tell that her skin had a faded glow. She could always say that she used some glistened moisturizing (yeah, I knew about this kind of stuff; I had been living with Alice and Rosalie for eight years).

Finally, the bell rang with the end of the school day, and I was able to go home. One thing it's not finding the classes totally boring, but another completely different is wanting to be there for more time than necessary. I went to look for Nessie so we could go home, and found her next to the lockers, chatting animatedly with a brunette girl.

"Hey, Nessie. Ready to go?" I asked.

"Hey, Jake. This is Laurie Anderson, from my English class. Laurie, this is the friend I was talking about, Jacob Black," she introduced us.

"Hi, Jacob. It's good to see new faces around here, especially if they look like you… and Nessie," the girl said in a seductive tone.

I was a little taken back by her forth coming; I knew every girl back in my old school, so I wasn't really used to someone hitting on me in the first five minutes. I took a good look at her; she was pretty with brown hair that hung on her shoulders and blue eyes, but I noticed that she wore a little too much make up, and was holding those ridiculous cheer leaders' pompoms.

"Hum… yeah, thanks. It's good to be the exciting news for a change," I said, blurting out the first thing that came across my mind, trying to make small talk.

She laughed a fake and calculated laugh, obviously premeditated to seduce and said, "Well, I should be going, Renesmee. Don't forget about tomorrow, ok?" she waved at us and walked away.

"What's gonna happen tomorrow?" I asked, curiously.

"You would never guess…" she answered with a big, happy smile.

"You'll introduce your new friend to Alice and she'll use her as a shopping pet instead of you," I said, playfully.

"No, Jake, be serious," she replied, laughing.

"I have no idea, honey," I admitted, raising my hands in surrender.

"Well, Laurie said that she'll talk with her friends so I can join the cheer leader squad."

The words _'Oh, crap'_ crossed my mind.


	3. Tough Decision

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Nessie spent all twenty minutes of our drive to the Cullens mansion talking on and on about how awesome was her day at school, and about how easy was to blend with the humans. She was so entertained with her own happy bubble that she hadn't noticed my bad mood. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was good that she had found a place on the school in just one day, but I was worried.

I had refused the couch's invitation to join the basketball team out of fear of drawing attention, and she was all excited about the perspective of being part of the cheer leader team – which I suspected that would draw even more attention.

She hadn't stopped to consider all the consequences of this apparent innocent dream. I guess it was just the fact that she had never really participated of any social activities and interactions before; she couldn't know how much people would envy her and gossip about her and her strange family, she was that sheltered.

I didn't want to be the one telling her that she had to say no for this opportunity, so I kept quiet, imagining the family's reaction to her news.

"Dad! Mom!" she called out to the empty living room.

Edward and Bella appeared in a flash as if they were just waiting for us, seconded by Carlisle and Esme. They all wore nervous smiles, trying to disguise their worry for her day.

"Hi, sweetheart, how was your day?" Bella asked, faking carefreeness and hugging her.

"Oh, mom, it was perfect! Everyone was very nice, and a lot of people talked to me. You should've seen how I was accepted, the boys from my Math class even escorted me to the cafeteria; they didn't want me to get lost or something like that." I had to skip lunch after seeing her among those ten kids; if I went there they would have left the school in wheelchairs "And I meet some of the cheer leader squad girls. Mom, they asked me to join them, can you believe it?" she told her, excitedly.

"The cheer leader squad? Renesmee, I don't think this is such a good idea," Edward said concerned.

"Why?" she asked in a heartbroken tone.

"Love, they are very attractive, people are drawn to them, they call too much attention," he replied, quietly.

"I don't understand, dad."

"We have to be very careful with our presence; we can't have people looking at us with even more curiosity than the normal, my beautiful. That's why we live on the city's limits and keep to ourselves. If you join the squad, people will want to know you, will want to know things about you, and they can start to get suspicious of our live style," Esme explained, approaching her and was combing her beautiful hair with her fingers in a caressing way.

"I'm sorry to say that, but you can't join them, sweetheart," Edward said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"But I… I promise to be careful, dad. I would be very reserved and I promise to make everything possible to avoid curiosity. Just, please, let me do this, please." Her eyes were shining with unwanted tears.

They all looked at each other with sorrow eyes. My heart was broken with her sadness; I wished I had some solution for her problem, but I had to agree with her parents, it was too risky. Besides, I was not totally convinced about Laurie's good intentions, she was kind of a slut.

"I can't see how this can work, Nessie. You know how important is to keep a low profile," Bella spoke for the first time.

That was the last thing Nessie expected; Bella was always the one trying to make her life the less abnormal possible, she was the only one that supported her when she started to talk about going to school.

"Okay. Can I go to my room, please?" Nessie asked, politely, obviously fighting tears.

"Sure, honey. I'll let you know when your dinner is ready," Bella answered, sweetly.

She went to her room at vampire speed while we all watched silently. A few seconds later her quiet sobs sounded through the quiet house. Carlisle sighed defeat and hugged Esme, leaving the room toward his study direction. Bella went to the window wall opposite to where we were. The living room in Seattle's house was very similar to the one in Forks, granting a bright luminosity, which made the house look warm and clean.

_It's not fair,_ I thought.

"I know but what other options do we have? Edward answered without thinking; he was distracted by his daughter sadness.

"First, get the Hell out of my mind, leech. It's annoying. And second, we could let her at least try to have a normal life, including letting her make some mistakes."

"It's not that simple, mutt."

"Yes, it is. Come on, you know that she would be careful and I'll be there, watching everything. At the minimum sight of danger, I'll let you know. Plus, she might not like to be a cheer leader in the end; she's just excited about something new."

"Jacob, I know you mean well but…" Bella started.

"Please, Bells. What's the worse thing that can happen? Her being expelled from the squad by a jealousy leader?" I tried to reason with them.

"It's my fault. She should be able to enjoy her life without fearing to expose her vampire family," Edward said bitterly. "Okay, Jacob. We'll try. One month. If nothing happen, them we'll see…"

Thank God for his tendency to think that everything bad around us was his fault.

"I heard that!" he said, annoyed.

"Yeah, so? I just told you to get the Hell out of my mind," I teased. "Thanks. I'll tell her the great news."

"Jake, that good care of her, okay? And tell us everything that happens, even the smallest thing," Bella pleaded.

"Sure, sure."

"One more thing," she looked me in the eyes, sympathetically. "Was it too bad having to watch a bunch of boys drooling over her?"

That took me off guard; sometimes I forgot that Bella was always able to see through my soul. I sighed.

"Yes! Bad as in _seeing-Bella-marrying-Edward_ bad, but I can handle this. It's for her. She deserves having all kind of experiences, even the ones that would make me mad."

"You're a good man, Jacob Black. I'm glad that you're part of our family." I hadn't noticed Edward by my side, and was a little startled when he squeezed my shoulder.

"Yeah… Hum… Okay…" I babbled, feeling my cheeks getting hot "I'm going to find Nessie. Excuse me."


	4. Changing

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Hi, Jacob." Alissa Tanning greeted me, shyly.

"Hey, Alissa. Ready for the audition? I've heard that you'll have no match this year…" I answered, happily; I really liked Alissa, she was a very sweet person.

"Yes, I've heard that, too. The lack of social life has to serve you for something, Loserissa," interfered Laurie from the other side of the room.

All kids that were in the locker's room area stopped messing in their lockers to look at poor Alissa, who became almost purple with shame. Some of them started laughing with the awful cheer leader from hell, but most of them just shook their heads in disguise, and continued doing whatever they were doing before.

I really hated that stupid _friend_ of Nessie. She was still trying to affect me because I refused all her invitations and insinuations.

First, she had convinced Nessie that she couldn't have lunch with me; it would be a gossip reason to the whole school if we hang out too much, and Nessie was avoiding all things that could lead to gossip. At least, that was what she told me when she explained why we couldn't hang out anymore. Then, she introduced that unworthy peace of garbage to her.

Lately, she discovered that she could make me mad putting the delicate musician from my Science class down due her infatuation on me. So she had used all the opportunities to deprecate Alissa knowing that it would annoy me.

The shy girl never once tried to hit on me, she just liked to be around and talk to me when we were in class or having lunch, and I liked having her around. She was exactly the opposite of Laurie. She was nice, discrete, honest, and Edward said she was a good musician, too – he had watched her last guitar recital at the school.

"Come on, Nessie," Adam Rottwer called, distracting me from the little drama.

I looked at them just before they turned around, and went shocked by a mocking smile playing on Nessie's lips. For a moment that vision made me so frozen that I couldn't think about any good reply to Laurie's teasing.

In the last three months I tried my hardest to be patient and understanding about Nessie's erratic behavior, but I never thought that I would see her smiling that kind of smile some day.

When I told her that her parents had allowed her to join the cheer leaders as long as she could keep a low profile she had been thrilled, throwing herself at me, and kissing me all over my face which made me laugh. I was always happy to see her happy.

But I was noticing little changes on her personality, bad ones. For example, she started to hang out a lot with the humans. It wouldn't be a bad thing if she wasn't with the _cool kids_, the ones that were mean to the rest of the school, and considered themselves above everybody else.

I tried to talk to her a few times about this, but she just shrugged, saying that she was adapting to human interactions, and that I should be glad that she was doing so well. I told her about my concern of her being not so much friendly with the kids that her friends didn't consider worth, and she looked confused and hurt, telling me that she would do better, which she did. For about a week.

That was the same time Laurie introduced her to the football team's captain, the little brat Adam. Laurie was mad after my refusal to kiss her in a party after the team's victory in the regional finals – the team would try interstate after that – and she thought that making Nessie date some random guy would be a good revenge. And she was right.

At first I thought that my girl wasn't interested on him; she had already refused a lot of date's proposals, and I wasn't too much worried about Adam. Maybe that was my mistake because I didn't try to tell her what a bad person he was – always making fun of the students that had scholarships, and making the younger kids trip down on the cafeteria – and she accepted.

I spent the night trying to calm my nerves waiting for her to come back, and when she did it was only to announce that he had asked her to be his girlfriend.

"Jake, come on. I don't wanna be late," she complained, pulling me out of my deep thoughts in the car.

"Sorry, Ness. Don't you have practice today?"

"No, we cancelled so the girls would have more time to get ready for the party tonight."

"Another one? Don't they get tired of getting wasted?"

"Whatever."

It was true. Every time they threw a party it was the same thing. Just a bunch of kids drinking theirs minds out. I usually went just to make sure nothing happens to her, but I was getting tired of the whole getting drunk, and vomiting routine.

She flew out of the car without looking at me twice, locking herself in her room, probably getting ready for the stupid party.

I knew I would eventually follow her scent there to check on things, and make sure she got home safe and sound, but I needed some time alone to think. So instead of going to the house I went to a quick run.

It was very difficult to phase in the area, but I always managed to stay out of human sight due to my inhuman senses. It was a little risky, but I had to keep phasing to prevent aging. Plus, it was so much better thinking on wolf form. It seemed that it was easier to organize my mind as a wolf than as a human.

It was raining heavily and most part of the city was desert, everyone hiding from the bad weather which made my run very easy, and I ran freely during quite some time. I wasn't ready to go back home just yet.

Going home those days was equal having to face an angry Nessie and I wasn't in the mood for a fight. But I started to get hungry, and the night had come a while ago so I just called a night, and went back.

Bella was on the porch waiting for me with a worried face.

"Jake, is Nessie with you? She had an argument with Edward and disappeared from her room a couple of hours ago," Bella asked me as soon as I stepped on the front yard.

"What? You're vampires, Bells. How the hell did she managed to pass for you without getting noticed?"

"Edward was upset and Bella was trying to calm him down, mutt. Carlisle is in the hospital and Esme, Alice and Jasper went to the airport to pick us up," Rosalie said from the living room.

"Nice to see you, too. Hey, Blondie, do you know why blonds like BMW´s? Because they can spell it."

"I've heard that one, too."

"Can you both stop? Jacob, do you know where Nessie is?" Edward said in that hurried voice that he only used when he was very worried.

"She said she had another party tonight. Maybe that's where she went."

"Yes, that was the argument subject. I tried to reason with her because tomorrow it's school day, and I didn't think it was a good idea to sleep late," he explained, sighing.

"Don't worry, I'll get her. I have a pretty good idea where the party is."

Bella handed me the key from Edward's navy blue Aston Martin, and I headed to Adam's house. His father was a sales representative in a big cosmetic company that travelled a lot, and his mother was a hostess in a fancy restaurant down town. Therefore, the house was pretty much clean of adult supervision the most part of the time.

I could hear the loud music two squares away from the house. The porch and yard were full of teens, all of them with cups in their hands filled with liquids illegal to their age. Most of them were already too drunk to tell me if Nessie was there, but it didn't take long for me to pick up her scent.

I follow it to the large kitchen were she was in a circle of boys and girls, sitting in one of the guys lap. One that wasn't her boyfriend. And by the way, the moron was no were to be seen. Right when I entered the room she kissed the random guy full in the lips. Apparently, they were playing true or dare, and she was just dared to kiss him.

A rush of wrath sent shivers through my body, and I felt it starting to shake. Even today I can't exactly describe what happened next.

I just remember having jerked her off the guy's lap in a harsh movement, knocking him down in the process – he was very luck of only falling on the floor, hitting his arms in a way that would leave some bruises, but nothing serious – and cared her to the car, throwing her in the passenger's seat while she screamed and thrashed.

But I didn't care; I was too enraged to pay attention. I had suffered seeing her kissing Adam, but, at least, for that I was prepared. She was his girlfriend, and kissing him was only natural. But seeing her kissing a guy just because she was dared, acting like Laurie and her sluty friends was beyond my patience.

"You're just jealous because no one wants to be with you besides that insignificant Alissa Tanning," she yelled, outrageous, her cheeks colored in a deep red.

"No, I'm not. I don't have the slice amount of jealous of you and your snob friends. And Alissa is insignificant only for Laurie and her gang. One day she'll be a great musician, even Edward said that," I yelled back, hitting the gas so hard that we were already close to our house "And what about your boyfriend? What do you think he would do if he saw that?"

"He is not my owner, it's not like I'm gonna marry him, anyway. I can't marry a human, remember?" she replied, getting out the car in the second I stopped the car, slamming the door on my face, and running to her room.

"Jake, what happened?" Bella came to me with a stunned face, after Nessie had shouted to leaver her alone.

"Not now, Bells, please. I found her and she's fine, just upset because I crashed the party. We talk tomorrow, okay? I need to sleep." I pleaded, sighing in frustration, and went to my room.

I couldn't sleep all night, thrashing on my bed, trying to figure out how I could solve this issue. I went alone walking to the school the next day because I wasn't in the mood for another fight with Nessie or having to face her precious friends. I was starting to question how really happy I was living with them.


	5. Eclipse

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The next two days passed so fast that I didn't even notice it. I just went to school, came back home, ate my meals, and did my homework almost as if I was programmed to it. I chuckled thinking that I was in auto pilot mode.

Nessie hadn't talk to me once since that dreadful party. Edward put her grounded for the rest of her life, and Bella was very anxious, trying to figure out the best way to handle the situation.

I couldn't suppress the memory of how she tried to fix the awkward situation we lived before, when her husband and I were fighting over her. I remember that she did some pretty crazy things trying to remain my friend while dating him.

Back on those days that only made me suffer more. It made me believe the illusion that she loved me back, but was too charmed by him to understand her feelings.

I was picking up my Spanish book in my locker when I saw her coming in my direction with a hopeful and determinate expression. For one second I thought that she had gave up the silence treatment, and decided to talk about what happened. I must admit that I felt so relieved that a smile stretched my face instantly.

"Jake, can we have lunch at the mall today? I really want to talk to you," she asked with anxious eyes, quietly.

That made me angry. "The mall? Why, Nessie? You can't be seen sitting with me on the cafeteria?"

Her face turned bright red, and she hissed, furiously. "Stop calling me that! You know I hate this nickname."

That simple phrase gave me more pain than everything else I ever heard or experienced. Nessie was the name I gave to her when she was only a baby, and she used to love it. Maybe she just said that because she was angry, but still was hurtful.

"Of course, _Ren_. And no, we can't have lunch at the mall. I'm pretty sure your friends would still know that you were hanging out with someone not _cool_." I replied, bitterly.

"Ren, are you ready for class? I wanna get out of here fast. There's a bad smell in the air, precisely in that direction." Adam said, coming from his locker, and wrapping his left arm around her shoulders, pointing at me with his chin.

"You can go, there's no one stopping you." She shrugged his arm off, shocking him. "And I wanted to make things right with you, Jacob Black, but apparently I was just wasting my time." And then she turned abruptly, and stormed off, leaving me with an unbearable guilt.

I was so stupid. Sure she had pissed me off acting like a drunken slut, but there was no excuse for the way I talked to her. It was clear that she wanted to be friends again by her sweet facial expression, but I had to turn into a cave man, and be harsh with her.

It made me mad to think that she could be ashamed of someone seeing me in her company, and when she said that she preferred the stupid nickname that stupid boyfriend of hers gave her I just lost it.

I remember as it was yesterday that she told me – all excited – that Adam said she couldn't be called Nessie because that was the Loch Ness Monster's name, and she was far too beautiful to be compared to it.

And Laurie had said she agreed; no cheer leader should be called at something that didn't give people a pretty mental picture. Beauty was the only thing interesting to Laurie.

The rest of the day was horrible. Nothing seemed to hold my attention for more than five seconds. All I could think about was finding Nessie, and trying to undo our mistakes, and stop that pointless fight.

I would say that she was wrong, I was wrong, we shouldn't be fighting like that because she was my best friend, she would cry a little like she always does, I would hug her, and tell her how much I loved her, and we would be cool again. I was sure of it.

Despite my confidence, I was still worried. I needed to figure out a way to convince Nessie that she wasn't hanging with the right kind of people.

I decided to take a quick run in wolf form because it always calmed me down. Besides I had to check on the pack. I hadn't phased since the party night, and I never went so long without hearing from them.

That day I was too preoccupied with my own problems to pay any attention to my brothers. Luckily only Leah was making rounds and she just acknowledged me, leaving me alone with my thoughts. That was what I liked the most about Leah; she was really trying to be a good pack member ever since we broke up with Sam's pack.

"_Hey, Jake!"_ Seth thought, happily.

"_Hey, Seth! How is it going in there?"_

"_Same old, same old, man. It's pretty calm these days."_

"_Okay, good to know."_

"_Is there something wrong, Jake? You seem distracted…"_

"_I had a fight with Nessie again. It's getting on my nerves. I'm just running a little to clear my mind before heading to her practice to try and make it right again."_

"_Don't worry so much, man. The chick loves you. You'll be cool in a minute."_

"_Yeah, I guess. Well, I'm going, Seth. Don't forget to call me if you need anything, and tell my father that I'm intending to visit on the weekend. Talk to you later."_

"_Okay, see ya."_

The squad's practice took place in the soccer field because the school had only a feminine team that practiced only on Wednesdays and Fridays, therefore, it was the best place for them. It was almost 4:00 pm, so the place was pretty much empty. It would be a good time to apologize with Nessie.

Unfortunately, the douche bag of her boyfriend was there waiting for her along with some other guys that I assumed were the other girls' boyfriends.

The girls were practicing some sort of human pyramid, and I got a little worried seeing my girl climbing on the other women shoulders to complete it. As if I was seeing the future by thinking that I noticed a few moments later that one of the girls lost her balance for a fraction of second, and Nessie fell heavily to the floor, hitting her head.

I didn't think about anything, just ran to her. I needed to see if she was okay, even knowing that her skin was almost invulnerable.

I was the first one at her side, even though the others were much closer to her. She looked at me with the sweet face that I loved so much, the face of the girl that I watched growing up all these years, but her beautiful features were a little torn with the pain.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" I murmured.

"Yes, my head just hurts a little. I thought that you ran home," she murmured back.

"No, honey, I was just passing time around before coming here to apologize." I couldn't help but smile because I felt that finally I was talking to my Nessie again.

"Take your hands off my girlfriend, stupid geek," Adam hissed behind me.

"I'm just checking if she's okay. Why don't you take a walk, and let me take care of her, as I always did," I said through clenched teeth.

"Jacob, don't talk to my boyfriend like this. I'm fine. Go home, I'll see you later," Nessie said, harshly.

"I'm not going anywhere. You should be the one to do it, Black. In fact, you should take the hint, and go back to your family of savages," he yelled, furiously, ignoring her.

"Adam!" Nessie screamed, shocked, quickly getting up.

"Repeat that if you're a man, Rottwer," I said so enraged that my voice was a little more than a threatening whisper.

"That's right, _Jacob_. Everyone knows that you're just a guy from an Indian reservation that Ren's mom took pity of, and that you're here just out of charity. You keep trying to make Ren a loser like you, so you can spend the rest of your life sucking her money out, and I won't allow that. So get the fuck away, no one wants you here."

In that moment I had the clear impression that the world had stopped. My mind went blank and my heart skipped a beat. _'Was that what Nessie thought about me?'_ I could feel the blood draining off from my face, and a pain that I never knew before took my whole body. My stupor was so big that I couldn't even phase. I just stood there, looking wide eyed to her, trying to comprehend what Rottwer had said.

"Adam, stop! Jake, I…" she started.

"Is that what you think about me?" I shouted to her.

"Don't yell at me. It's not my fault that you're poor..." she started again, angrily.

But I didn't listen to the rest. I was out of the school and in wolf form before even realizing that I ran from them.

"_Jake! Jacob, what's wrong?"_ Leah yelled in my head, worried.

"_Get the fuck out of my head, Leah. I'm not in the mood for your complaining."_ I was being unfair, I knew it. But I wasn't really thinking at that moment.

"_Jake, tell me what happened. Did the bloodsuckers made something for you? I know you had a fight with Nessie, is that it?"_

When she asked me about her I couldn't control myself, and the whole scene played on my head again, and she ended up knowing everything. Surprisingly enough, she didn't make any bitchy comments. Her thoughts were only ones of sympathy. Leah never ceased to amaze me.

"_Jake, I know you don't want to hear this now, but have you ever thought that you weren't supposed to be where you are? Maybe it's time to stop hopping for a happy ending, Jake. Maybe it's time to come back home,"_ she murmured very, very gently as she was being caution not to hurt me.

'_Was it? Was it time to come back to my res, to stop following a bunch of vampires around the country to be with my imprint?'_

For the first time in years I thought about my decision to leave everything that I treasured behind in order to stay close to Renesmee.

During my time with the Cullens I missed my home many times, but I had a good reason to be with them. After hearing that Nessie only thought about me as a charity project I realized that my good reason wasn't a reason at all. She would never look at me as more than the boy that needed financial aid.

My decision was made almost unconsciously.

I ran to the Cullens' mansion and went straight for my room. I didn't have the intention of packing anything, nothing there belonged to me. Nothing at all.

'_Not even the girl that I love,_' my mind shouted at me.

I would just pick up one thing that came from my home, and then leave. I searched through the bedroom area for it, and left the floor as soon as I found it. It wasn't difficult to find, I had a pretty good idea where it would be.

For a strange reason, my feet seemed to height a ton while walking heavily to the kitchens door. Maybe it was the fact that I knew that would be the last time I walk through those walls, that I would feel that sweet sickening smell that I grew so used to. Maybe it was the fact that I was detaching myself from my imprint. Or maybe it was just the fact that I would leave my family behind.

That thought made me laugh bitterly. I had made some of my natural enemies a part of my family.

That was why I was so relieved that there was no one in the house when I walked in. I couldn't stand the idea of saying good bye to them; I couldn't think about the hurting look that Bella would wear when I kissed her for the last time. I just couldn't.

"Is something wrong, dear?" Esme asked me when I crossed the door to the kitchen, taking me out of my daydream. Apparently, the house was not as empty as I thought.

"I'm going home, Esme," I answered, sighing defeated.

"But there's school tomorrow, honey. Is there something wrong with your father or the res?" The concern in her voice made my heart shrunk.

"No, Esme, nothing is wrong. I'm not going for a visit, I'm going for good. I won't come back."

Her beautiful, lovingly face fell instantly. I knew that this would happen, and I felt horrible, but I couldn't take it anymore. I was suffocating.

"I'm sorry. I just can't handle all this anymore," I murmured, reaching the exit door.

"I understand, dear one," she said in a sad tone. "Don't you want to leave any message for Bella… or Renesmee?"

"No. But thanks."

"I see. Jacob, you'll be always welcome to come back."

"I know, thanks for everything. Good bye." I reached the door's knob, and hesitated for a second. "I love you, mom."

I turned around in time to see Esme collapsing on a chair, dry sobbing before taking off running. I phased, and ran the faster I could, knowing that I was leaving my heart behind, that I would never be happy again, that I would live in the dark for the rest of my life. From that day on, my days would always be as in an eclipse.

Without the Sun.


	6. Anger

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

I was so angry.

Lately that was all I felt all the time.

Anger.

Since we moved to Seattle everything was so confused and irritating. I thought that I would be happy having human experiences or, at least, be content with the opportunity to expand my world, but all I saw here made me anxious and mad.

I tried really hard to adjust, convincing myself that it was only a matter of trying to fit in, and that I was only seeing things that badly because I had suffered so much when my family decided that it was time to move. I understood the reasons, though; we had to stay out of any kind of spotlight.

I loved my life in Forks.

I loved everything about it, the endless green that surrounded the town, giving the impression that the world was a peaceful and beautiful place, and that nothing could harm us while we were living in there, the proximity to Jacob's reservation, that brought the warmth of my pack's brothers and sister among with the tranquilizing sound of the sea waves crashing on the shore, the happiness of the bonfire parties that they liked so much, the safeness sensation of grandfather Charlie's house, the sense of familiarity that I felt only walking through those so well known streets and woods.

I was both excited and terrified when my parents said that I would start High School with Jake in the new city; I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act around humans. I had lived with the humans on the res, but it wasn't the same; they knew about my secret, so I didn't have to pretend around them.

In the new town things would be completely different.

And then I was in the school, inside a room full of unknown people that was staring at me questioningly. Some of them were trying to hide their curiosity, but most part of them just gave me curious looks, and all of them looked me wide eyed. I knew that part of their reactions was caused by my inhuman beauty, but knowing that didn't made me feel more comfortable.

The first class was a torture. The Spanish teacher, Ms. LaMarca, thought it would be a good idea if I introduced myself to the whole class. In Spanish.

I knew Spanish enough to say my name, and where I came from, but it was embarrassing anyway. And the fact that I could say 'Hola, mi nombre és Renesmee' made Ms. LaMarca assume that I knew much more than I did, so she kept asking me questions.

That was so not how I thought my first class would be. The next periods were a little less embarrassing and frightening, but I couldn't wait to lunch time, so I could be with Jake, and have a break.

Before lunch I meet a pretty girl – by human standards – that seemed to know everyone around. Laurie had brown hair that touched her shoulders and blue eyes. She told that she was the captain of the cheer leader squad.

I didn't know much about cheer leaders, only the things you saw on movies, but I doubted that real life was like that. I liked Laurie, she was nice to me. By the end of the day Laurie and I became friends enough to make her invite me to be a part of the squad, and I felt so accepted that my heart started to race even faster than usual.

My parents were against the idea at first, but Jake managed to change their minds. I just had to be really careful to keep a low profile. I loved him even more because that.

Being a cheer leader was everything I was expecting from High School; I was part of something, I had a lot of friends, and the entire school noticed me.

Laurie was my best friend, after Jake. She always made sure to teach me the rules of High School, which was good because, frankly, I didn't understand half of the things that happened around me. Human teenagers were so weird, always worried about unimportant things like parties and pimples. I was having the time of my life.

But one day Laurie told me that we needed to have a serious conversation.

She told me that people was gossiping about my friendship with Jacob, and the weird situation of my _"foster siblings"_. They thought that having so many underage couples in the same roof was indecent, and they also thought that Jake and I would be the next one.

I was shocked that they were wondering about those things; Jacob was my best friend, and all the couples in my house were married. But, of course, I couldn't tell them that.

She also said that people just talked about us because Jacob wasn't involved on any of the school's teams or athletic activities, and that made us an unusual couple; none of the other cheer leaders dated guys that weren't athletes, it just wasn't natural.

Laurie thought that it was better for both of us to keep our friendship at home, and that it would be better if I started having lunch with her and her friends.

Jacob got pissed with that. For some strange reason he didn't like Laurie and her friends much, and he was always trying to make difficult for us hanging out.

And that was when the anger started.

I just didn't understand why my two best friends couldn't get along. Jacob was never against me meeting new people before, and Laurie was always trying to be nice with him, inviting him to our practices or to the parties. She was always around him, trying to be friends; she knew how important he was to me, and she wanted to share the same thing, but he always shrugged her away. I just didn't get it.

When Laurie introduced me to Adam, saying that he was in love with me since the first time he saw me, Jacob went wolf. Literally.

As soon as the school bell announced the end of the day, he ran outside and phased for hours, coming back home very late at night.

There was also the nickname issue; every time Jake called me Nessie, the girls would laugh, and I grew mad at it. I was relieved when Adam started calling me Ren, but Jake got pissed. Again.

I talked to Laurie about Jake's erratic behavior – leaving the wolf thing out – and she told me that he was being influenced by that false and stupid Alissa Tanning. She said that Alissa was trying to win Jacob's heart since day one, and that she was doing everything in her power to make him ditch me. I never felt so much hatred for someone before as I felt for Alissa that day.

'_How dare she?'_ Jacob was mine; he was my friend since the day I was born, and he would be until the day I die, if that's even possible.

Laurie said that she would take care of Alissa, making her give up from him. So she started to deprecate her every time she could, in order to break them apart. I felt revenged when I saw their exchanges, even when that made Jacob mad. Laurie tried everything, but that only made Jake get even closer to that slut.

My life was a mess. I felt so frustrated and anxious all the time. Jasper tried to talk to me sometimes, but there was nothing I could say to him that would make things better.

How could I solve a problem if I didn't even know what was wrong? I didn't know why I couldn't manage my little problems; I didn't know how to make things right with Jake and Laurie.

And I just got angrier and angrier.

The only thing that was still working for me was my relationship with Adam. He was so sweet and perfect to me. I knew that we could never have a real relationship. I never dreamt about marring or even going to college with him; that was just not possible. How could I explain to him why my family didn't age a bit after ten years?

We would be only temporary. And temporary in my world was almost like a fault. When you know you'll live forever, you always have plans for a hundred years, and I couldn't have plans with Adam that long. I got sad about this, but deep inside I knew that I didn't loved Adam. At least, not as a soul mate should love its other half, and that was sad too because I knew that I would never love someone.

There was no one around that I could give my heart because everyone was temporary.

Maybe that was one of the reasons that I got so angry with Alissa for trying to steal Jacob from me; he could have someone, he was part human, and he was part normal, he could stop phasing, marry and have children, and even one day he could die. I would never do that.

The breaking point happened at Adam's party. Jacob had complained one more time about my friends, asking me if they didn't get tired of getting drunk.

'_What did he know?'_ I thought, angrily.

Werewolves didn't get drunk because they burn the alcohol from their system almost instantly; he couldn't know what we felt. I liked the light head sensation that drinking produced, it was almost as losing control, and my life was so much controlled, I needed some irresponsibility like every normal teenager.

And kissing a total stranger was the most irresponsible thing I ever done, especially because my boyfriend was somewhere in the house.

Jacob humiliated me when he took me out of there like I was a kid, yelling like a father does with a toddler. I could really slap him that day.

Then, he stopped to talk to me. Mom said that he thought that I didn't want to talk to him, that the whole situation was just a big misunderstanding, and I felt ashamed; I knew that he was just looking after me.

I decided to put an end on that ridiculous fight, and tried to talk to him, I wanted to talk in the mall because no one there would be trying to know what we were talking about, but he just snapped at me. And the anger got impossibly high.

That was the day when everything changed.

I thought that Jake had left, and went to the practice with a heavy heart; everything I could think about was how to fix things with my best friend. I was even considering talk to my father, to ask him if he saw something on Jacob's mind that could make easier for us to be like we were before.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't pay attention when climbing on Beck's shoulder to make a pyramid, and lost my balance. Next thing I remember was Jacob's beautiful and concerned face above me.

He asked me so sweetly if I was okay, and suddenly I felt like there was no one else in the whole world, just me and the sweet man that I loved so much. My head was hurting a little, but I didn't care because he said that he was waiting for my practice end to apologize. I smiled happily thinking that everything would be all right again. But that was when Adam started yelling.

"Take your hands off my girlfriend, stupid geek," Adam hissed at him.

"I'm just checking if she's okay. Why don't you take a walk and let me take care of her, as I always did." Was Jake's harsh answer.

I had to interfere. "Jacob, don't talk to my boyfriend like this. I'm fine. Go home, I'll see you later."

"I'm not going anywhere. You should be the one to do it, Black. In fact, you should take the hint and go back to your family of savages," Adam shouted at him.

"Adam!" That shocked me; he was talking about my pack.

"Repeat that if you're a man, Rottwer," Jake whispered with a dangerous tone.

"That's right, _Jacob_. Everyone knows that you're just a guy from an Indian reservation that Ren's mom took pity of and that you're here just out of charity. You keep trying to make Ren a loser like you so you can spend the rest of your life sucking her money out and I won't allow that. So get the fuck away, no one wants you here."

'_What? What was he talking about?'_

Jacob lived with us to have an opportunity to go to college, and be well educated. My parents offered this to him when I was born because they knew I would need a friend when the time for school come, and mom really wanted to give this for him. Billy didn't have the money to pay for a top college, and Jacob was so smart; it would be a waste if he couldn't go to a good college.

Adam knew that because I was explaining why he lived with us, and how proud I was with his good grades. Of course, I said that my _mom_ Esme was a very close friend to his father. I never said anything about money.

"Adam, stop! Jake, I…" I tried to explain, but he cut me off.

"Is that what you think of me?" he yelled, enraged.

That was the first time that he looked at me with a murderer look.

"Don't yell at me. It's not my fault if you're poor..." I yelled back.

'_Couldn't he see that I was trying to fix things around here?'_

He just turned his back on me, and stormed off the school. I felt defeat; I knew that he would run for hours, and that I wouldn't be able to talk to him anytime soon.

"Adam, why did you say that? It was mean," I asked, quietly.

I hadn't anything in me to start another fight with anyone.

"Honey, you don't see it because you think that he's your friend but he's only taking advantage of you and your kind family. He's a gold digger. I'm stunned that he didn't try to date you in first place."

"That's not true."

"Yes, it is, Ren. Why do you think he's paying so much attention to Loserissa Tanning? Everyone around say that one day she would be famous. I think he's just keeping her close in case she gets rich or you see him for who he really is," Laurie said, sadly, tucking a curl of my hair behind my ear.

"I – I…" I didn't know what to think.

'_Could that be possible?'_ But dad would see in his mind, and he had always trusted Jacob.

"Come on, Ren. Let's go to my place. We can order a pizza and relax a little before you go home. I think you'll want a time away from that cave man," Adam murmured, kissing my cheek.

I called home saying that I would come back late, and let them take me whatever they wanted. It would be pointless to go home anyway; I knew that Jacob wouldn't be there, and I needed some time to think.

My mind was spinning fast with all the things they said. It made sense in a way. Jacob was so possessive sometimes, I was like he was trying to save me for himself, and my family did help him and the people back in the reservation financially.

'_Were they trying to take advantage from us? Who was right in this whole mess? Should I talk to dad about all this?' _

The more I thought about it, the more I convinced myself that Adam and Laurie were right. Jacob was just a gold digger, and I would confront him tonight.

My anger was boiling so much inside me that I broke a glass between my hands on Adam's house. Luckily, Laurie thought that the glass was already damaged, and got relieved that I wasn't hurt.

All the lights were on when I came back to my house, which was odd because my family was adamant about environment responsibility. Something was wrong.

I entered the living room worried just to find my mom dry sobbing on grandma Esme's shoulder. Grandpa Carlisle was standing behind them, caressing grandma's hair, Alice was tightly embraced in Jasper's arms, and I could hear Rosalie and Emmett's faint voices coming from the garage. Dad was sat at the piano, but wasn't playing anything, his hands just rest above the keys as if he was trying to take some comfort in their familiar touch.

"_What happened, dad?"_ I screamed in my head.

"Jacob left us," my dad answered, looking at me with sad eyes.


	7. The Truth

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"What?" I screamed, shocked.

"Jacob went back home. He doesn't want to live with us anymore," dad explained a little more.

'_No, no, no, no.'_ "No, that's not right. It's impossible, he's just running around. He´ll come back at night, he always does that."

"It's true, sweetheart. He told me before leaving," grandma said, quietly.

"NO. You let him go? You didn't do anything?" I yelled, loudly.

My outburst must have called aunt Rose's attention because she was by my side in a heart beat. "It's okay, honey."

"No, it's not okay. How can it be okay when Jacob left us?" I retorted, bitterly. She always treated Jacob bad, I was sure she thought it would be good if he leaves for good.

"We'll just call him, and he'll be back soon, don't worry. He's probably just having a flea attack," she said, trying to make a joke out of it.

"Rose…" uncle Emmett warned.

"Don't talk about him like this, he doesn't have fleas," I snapped at her, but then I felt a wave of calmness surrounding me, and I knew uncle Jasper was using his power.

"Calm down, Nes… Ren. It was just a joke," she replied, hurt.

"Ne… Ren, please, don't talk to your aunt like this. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding, we'll find Jake, talk to him, and he would be back in no time," my mom said in a weak voice, coming to hug me.

"Did something happened at school today, Renesmee? It would be helpful if we knew what bothered Jacob when we talk to him," grandpa asked.

The fight at the practice crossed my mind in a flash along with all the other little previous fights, and all my worries about his real interest in my family before I had time to remember my dad's skills. My dad flew from the piano to my side.

"No, Renesmee. Why would you think something like that?" he asked in such a disappointed tone that my eyes watered instantly.

I would rather he yelled at me as a mad man.

"I-I…"

"What is it, Edward? What was she thinking?" mom asked, concerned.

"Jacob had a fight with her boyfriend this afternoon. Adam said that Jacob was living with us because of our money. He gave Jacob the impression that Nes… Ren had told him this," he explained, quietly.

He looked almost… _ashamed_?

"WHAT?" aunt Rose yelled, startling everyone. "Did you say that about the mutt? How could you?"

"It's true, isn't it? I mean, where would he be by now if it wasn't for our money? He would probably had ditch school or went to a public college," I tried to defend myself.

"He never asked for anything. We gave all the things that we gave to him and his people because we wanted to do it. It's not like we need money to live anyway. We just need blood," aunt Rose yelled again, outrageous.

"Rose, baby, calm down," uncle Emmett said in a soothing tone.

I sensed another calmness wave coming from uncle Jasper.

"Renesmee, that was something really insulting to say or think about your best friend. He was the only one that was always by our side. He was the one that prevented Sam's pack of killing you before you were even born. You know all of this, we had told you the stories," mom said, shock and disappointment expressed in her beautiful face so vividly that my heart ached.

"Yes, I know," – I said, ashamed.

My head was spinning. '_Why didn't I remember this when Adam and Laurie told me those things about Jacob?' _

"I never thought that you could be so ungrateful," snarled aunt Rose.

"What do you care? You never once was nice to him, everybody knows that you hate each other," I shouted at her, angrily.

"I don't hate the mutt; I just can't stand the smell. And you don't know nothing about the way _he_ treated _me_ when your mom was pregnant. And even if I hated him, or everyone else for that matter, I would never accuse him of something as low as being a gold digger. He loves you. He had loved you since the day you were born…" she said, furiously, but dad cut her off.

"Rose, it's not your place to tell her!" he said, louder than his usual.

"No, Edward, what she did was despicable and she has to know how much she hurt him," she hissed at him, and turned to me again "I was there the first time he saw you. I was there the day he _imprinted on you_. The only thing he ever wanted was to be close to you, and see you happy. The only thing he wanted was you to love him because he was ridiculously in love with you."

Not in a million years I would be able to describe what I felt hearing those things. I never knew… but it made perfect sense, the protectiveness, the possessiveness, the care and the strong connection.

When I was little I used to refer at him as mine. My Jacob. I stopped to call him like that when I grew up because it was embarrassing, but in a way I never stopped to thing about him as mine.

"He… he imprinted… on me?" I babbled, utterly confused.

"Yes, honey, he did. And there's your reason for him to live with us; he wanted to be close to you," my dad stated, sighing brokenly.

"And he was in love with me?" I tried to sound less weak, but my stomach was hurting.

"Yes. Since you turned fifteen physically. We thought that you would fall in love with him, too, because of the imprinting connection, but you never did. Then we thought that you needed more time, and experience to come to your senses, and see him as a lover, but I guess now it´ll take some time to fix up this whole situation," mom answered very sweetly, talking to me the way she used to do when I was little.

"Why did you never tell me this?" I yelled. My frustration had reached its break point.

"Jacob asked us not to. He wanted you to have a normal life; he wanted you to want to be with him, not be forced into it," dad whispered.

"But we don't have to worry about this anymore, don't we? Because after what you did I'm not sure if he'll want to be around you again. One thing I have to give to the dog, he has proud. I suppose we really should call you Ren from now on, after all. You sure earned the title," aunt Rose said, before storming out of the room.

"I didn't know. I didn't know," I babbled, falling to my knees.

"It's all right, sweetheart. Everything would be fine," mom soothed me, hugging me tightly.

"Jasper," dad pleaded and a sense of numbness invaded me.

Probably he thought that it would be a good thing if I felt nothing, but I wanted to feel, I wanted to grieve about my stupidity, my reckless behavior, I wanted to torture myself for being so blind and prejudicial.

So I ran up stairs to my room and threw myself on my bed, crying my eyes out as a kindergarten kid. I felt ashamed and guilty; I had hurt a person that once gave up everything he had for me. Even if he didn't know at that time that he was doing that for me, he did it, and I should be grateful.

But I forgot all about that with a simple suspicion from my friends.

I knew Adam and Laurie meant well; they were only looking after me, they didn't know anything about our connection, but I knew it, and still had second thoughts about him.

What kind of person that made me?

I cried for hours, falling sleep of exhaustion after some time. My asleep was filled with dreams about accusing golden eyes, and sad brown ones. I remember that, at some point through the dream, I was running at LaPush shore at night, calling Jacob's name to the dark emptiness without any response.

I woke up screaming.

"Shhh, it's all right, Ren. You're safe, you're home," mom said, soothingly, and hugged me.

"Please, mom, call me Nessie. I'm sorry, mom. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so stupid," I cried.

"You don't need to apologize, princess. Everything would be fine, you'll see. We just have to find Jacob, and talk to him. Don't worry so much, okay?" she replied, smiling.

"What you mean, find him? Dad said he went home so we just have to call Billy's house."

"We already did that, Nessie. But he wasn't there."

"What? Where is he, then?"

"We don't know. Billy said that he would ask the wolves to phase, and try to contact him. He's probably just running in wolf form to clear his thoughts before going home, you know that he does that a lot. Don't worry, okay? Now go back to sleep, you have to rest so you two can talk when we find him."

"I'll try, mom. Thank you," she lifted from the bed. "Mom, could you stay with me? At least until I fall asleep? I don't wanna be alone tonight."

"Of course, my love," she assured me and smiled, lying down next to me and hugging me. "Sleep, honey. Tomorrow we'll talk to Jacob."

She didn't know how wrong she was assuming that we would ever talk to Jake again.


	8. Without a Trace

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The next day passed in a blur, I felt like I was having an endless bad dream. We kept trying to track Jake down but no one knew anything about him. Everyone was worried, especially because Alice couldn't see him so our only options were running around trying to pick up his scent, which was difficult because it rained heavily during the night or calling everyone we knew to check if they saw him.

I wasn't feeling well, my head was aching so much that I thought it would explode so I didn't bother going to school, I just texted Adam and Laurie saying that I had the stomach flu and asking them to take my homework. Dad and grandpa were worried about my head ache but ordinary medicine doesn't work on my body so they gave a light tranquilizer that made me sleep almost all day, I only got out of the bed to eat something; I was feeling exhausted, my whole body seemed to weight three times more, it was difficult to even lift my arms.

On the second day of Jake's absence I decided that I should go to school, I didn't want anyone wondering what happened to me – I never forgot the rule of not drawing attention. I really didn't want to leave the house because I could miss Jake's return but Alice promised that she would call me the minute they found him. Even so I was feeling restless, I needed to be close to him, to talk to him and apologize for being so ungrateful.

I thought that would be a good idea if I cared my promise bracelet, the one Jake gave me on my first Christmas, because I would have something that connected us with me. On my last growth spun we found out that the bracelet didn't fit me anymore and I asked Jake to make me another one. He promised to do it on Christmas again, just to set a tradition. I put the old one on my jewelry box because I was afraid to lost it; the home made bracelet was as valuable to me as the silver elegant necklace that mom gave me that same Christmas.

But it wasn't there. I searched for it on my entire bedroom. I couldn't remember having put it on some place else but it wasn't in the jewelry box. Or in my closet. Or in my desk. I was starting to panic, drops of sweat were accumulating slowly on my forehead and my heart beat was increasing. I couldn't have lost it, I was sure that I kept it save all that time.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" – dad asked from the living room.

"I can't find it. I can't find it." – I kept thinking, I couldn't form coherent phrases.

"Nessie, honey, calm down. What's going on? You're not thinking coherently, I can't understand." – dad said, coming to my room seconded by mom.

"My bracelet. My promise bracelet. I can't find it anywhere. Mom, did you take it and put some place else?"

"No, honey, I hadn't seen it since the day you took it off."

"Alice! Alice!" – I called, much louder than necessary but shouting was a way to pour out my fear.

"Yes, sweetheart." – she ran to me.

"Alice, my bracelet disappeared. I need it, Alice. Please, tell me you can see where it is."

Her expression went blank for a brief moment and then her beautiful golden eyes focused on me again. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't see it. You know that I can't see past you and the wolves. Maybe is in your bedroom and that's why I can't see it."

"No, it isn't. I check it twice." – I shouted even louder.

"Carlisle!" – dad called quietly. I was vaguely aware of his presence after a few seconds.

"Mom, help me find it. I need it. Jake gave it to me. He would be upset when he sees that I lost it, mom. Please, I need it." – I was screaming like a crazy person while hot, salty tears poured down my face like a river.

"Nessie, calm down." – mom pleaded, hugging me.

"No, I can't calm down, I need to find it. Mom, help me, help me."

Mom kept holding me tightly while someone took my left arm and I felt a sharp and brief pain and then the world went blank.

When I woke up again, the sun light was coming from the opposite side of the window. I looked at my cell phone over the bedside table and noticed that I had slept all day; it was 4:37 pm. I rolled on the bed and faced the sealing, hearing someone getting up from the chair next to the window.

"How are you feeling, kid?" – uncle Emmett asked concerned. That tone was so foreign to his voice that I sat up startled.

"Uncle Emmett? Where are mom and dad?" – I said but thought that he didn't understand because my throat was hurting and my voice sounded harsh and failed.

"They went hunting, honey but they won't take long. They are very worried with you so they wanted to feed in case you needed them for the next few days." – he said sweetly, sitting beside me and taking some curls out of my face.

"Okay."

"Come. Esme left some lunch for you in the microwave before she joined them. You need to eat something."

"You're not thirsty, too?"

"Na, it's okay. As soon as they come back I would hunt."

"Uncle Emmett, did you… did you find Jake?" – I was afraid of the answer but I had to ask.

"Not yet, honey, but don't worry this pretty little head of yours. We'll find him."

"Okay." – I was starting to doubt this but I wasn't in the mood to start an argument with nobody.

I ate the soup grandma left to me slowly, the salty food felt uncomfortable in my damaged throat but I needed to maintain my body healthy. Besides, any activity was good to take my mind out of Jake's disappearance.

Different scenarios played on my head all the time. Jake could have been running distracted and fell from an abysm, or he could have run into a rogue vampire and be harmed in some place cold, or he could have done something to himself… I couldn't even think about the last possibility. No, he would never do something like this; he loved live and he had to take care of his father.

My parents and grandparents came back around midnight and uncle Emmett went out to join aunt Rose. I was afraid to face her again so I avoided her those last days; I wasn't sure how she would act around me after getting so disappointed and that was another great pain. I was very close to my aunt and she had never fought with me before. I knew she was the only one that supported my mom in the beginning of her pregnancy and I would be eternally grateful for this. Uncle Emmett said that I was worrying for no reason because she would never stop loving me but I wanted to hear those words from her mouth. I knew that I had to talk to her but I wanted to make things right with Jake first so she could see how sorry I was.

The third day was pretty much the same, except that I managed to go to school. Laurie said that my friends were worried about me and called my house but my parents didn't let them talk to me. I wasn't surprised; I had no condition to talk calmly with anyone and keep the appearances. I told her that I had a high fever and they didn't want me to get tired and that was why they didn't want me talking with the whole cheer leader squad. That made her laugh; she said that it was funny how every parents were the same. I was relieved that she bought it but intrigued that she hadn't asked about Jake.

Adam was sweet and helpful, almost overwhelming. He kept doing things for me all the time, like getting my lunch while I sat on our table waiting for him or caring my books. He talked to Laurie, asking her not to make me practice that week but I refused it; I needed the distraction, I needed to do something with my time while waiting for Jake or I would just loose it.

When I was reaching my driveway the mail man was ready to ring the bell and he smiled at me, saying that someone had to sign his delivery chart. I did it and he handed me two large boxes, helping me to put them on my car; one of them was large and heavy. I smiled to myself; even during a crisis like the one we were in aunt Alice could shop. The funny thing was that there was no sender address.

I entered into a silent house, my dad wasn't playing and my uncles weren't fighting over the videogame or anything like that. It seemed that everyone was grieving Jake's absence and that got me mad. How could he just abandon us? I knew that he was upset and he had a right to it but it wasn't fair for him to make everyone suffering like this.

I went to look for Alice and found her in the kitchen, talking quietly with Grandma Esme and mom, both of them with sad faces. I assumed that she was still trying to check on Jake's whereabouts.

"Aunt Alice, did you ordered something?" – I asked, placing both boxes on the table. With my vampire strength I could easily carry them but I couldn't say that to the mail man.

"No, I didn't." – she answered puzzled.

"Then where did those boxes came from?"

"I don't know. Let's see what's inside." – she went to open the boxes excitedly.

Nothing could prepare me for what was inside them. The heavy box had the plasma TV I gave to Billy on last Christmas and the smaller one had clothes and I recognized almost all of them because my family had bought them for Jake's family. The four of us just stared at those items without saying anything; we were beyond shocked. Jake and his family were returning all our gifts, things that were presented them with purity of heart. I couldn't believe that that was happening.

Grandma Esme excused herself and went to her garden with a hurt expression while mom dry sobbed on Alice's shoulder. I just stood there, looking at those things astonished, tears running freely over my face, trying to think about a way to find Jake. Something had to be done in order to fix up that mess. I decided to try a different approach and called grandpa Charlie's house.

"Hello." – I was relieved hearing Seth's voice; it would be much easier without having to explain grandpa why I was looking for Jake on his house.

"Seth! Great! You were the one that I wanted to talk to."

"Hum… yeah… okay." – he babbled uncomfortable. Odd.

"Listen, have you saw or talked to Jake these last three days?" – I asked hopeful.

"Yes, I have." – he answered dryly.

"Great! That's wonderful! I was so worry. Where is he? Can you talk to him again and ask him to come back? I need to talk to him."

"I'm sorry, Ren. I can't do this. But I have a message for you and your family. The council said that the truce with the Cullens was extinguished and the treat is on again. If some of you trespass our border, we would consider this an offense and would defend our land. You're not welcome in LaPush anymore.

I'm sorry. Bye." – he said coolly.

"Wait, wait. Seth, please, just hear me out. It's a misunderstanding, I just need to talk to Jake again. Please, tell him I gonna call and talk to him." – I pleaded desperate.

"It's useless to call his house. He's not here, no one knows where he is. He just instructed Sam to pass his message for the council, telling him all that happened. You should be ashamed of yourself. We don't need your fucking money. Do us a favor and call before coming to visit Charlie so my family and I can go very far from here. Good bye, Renesmee." – and he hang up.

Pure panic shook my body from hair to toe. This couldn't be happening.


	9. Darkness

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

I couldn't remember how did I happened to be in to that place or why did I went there. Darkness surrounded me and I was scared which was odd because I wasn't afraid of the dark; I have vampire senses, I could see things miles away even in the dark and I could hear much better than humans. But that was exactly what was scaring me; I couldn't see or hear anything, I was alone in a dark place with no living forms around, I knew I shouldn't be scared that something or someone would hurt me there because there was nothing there. Absolutely nothing.

At some point, I started running. I ran and ran for hours, frightened, stubborn tears rolling down my face making it even more difficult to see something, calling my parents, calling my grandparents, calling everyone I knew but I didn't get any response. There was nothing there for anyone and I couldn't understand why I went to that place.

Suddenly I smelt something really familiar, a salty and woodsy scent that made my heart accelerate and a sense of comfort washed over me. I started to track the scent, running after it but I couldn't reach the source. That was when I saw a tiny point of light far away from me. Something on my mind told me that I should find out where I had smell it before, that was soon as I found out I would reach the light. I continue to run in the light's direction, desperately trying to remember where I smelt that scent before. Wood and salt… _'Please, Nessie, remember.'_ Wood and salt…. I couldn't take that darkness anymore. And then it hit me.

Jacob.

"But you'll never see me again." – his voice reverberated in the nothingness. And I screamed.

"Shhh, Nessie. It's just a dream, it's just a dream." – dad shooed me, shaking me lightly by my shoulders.

Since I talked to Seth I had this same horrible dream. At first I thought that it was just a reflex from the astonishing news he gave me but I understood later that something deeper was tricking it; I wasn't dreaming about the reservation or Forks, I always dreamt with emptiness and at the end of every single dream Jacob's voice came from nowhere just to tell me the same thing over and over again.

It has been a week since the day I called grandpa Charlie's house and the nightmares started. My family was worried about my restless asleep, every time I woke up screaming someone was there to calm me down. Mom and dad were the worst of them all, always trying to make me talk to them, always staring at me and asking me questions that I really didn't want to answer; I don't feel like talking to anybody.

"Dad? What time is it?" – I felt confuse and tired. It seemed that I just lay down.

"6 am, honey. How are you feeling? Do you want to stay at home today? You look so tired… I can call the school and say that you aren't feeling well."

"NO. No, it's fine, I wanna go to school." – I said, getting up before he had the time to argue, trying to act carefree – "Can you make me breakfast? I'm hungry."

He just nodded slightly but didn't move from his spot. I faked a smile and went to my closet, pretending to be very busy looking for an outfit. I hated when he was the one monitoring my morning mood; he was the most difficult to trick, I had to pay attention to my depressing thoughts and I really didn't want to do it. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry all day.

"Can you give me some human time, dad?" – I tried to joke with my mom's human stories.

"Sure. I'll be in the kitchen." – he said slowly, looking at me with a concentrate stance. I knew he was trying to see through my façade.

I let out a little laugh but that only made him look at me with sad eyes. I didn't know what I was supposed to do with his concerned expression. Couldn't he see that I was trying hard to go back to my normal life? I was just feeling sad about this whole situation; that was all. I was sure that everything would be fine after a while. It's not what shrinks say? You have to feel what you're feeling so you would be able to get over it. That was exactly what I was doing.

I took a long time getting ready for school showering, moisturizing and drying my hair, all to avoid my family's looks but eventually I had to face them. I put on a smile and went downstairs, hoping to make a quick breakfast with the excuse of being late. I didn't want to spend much time at house those days seeing my mom's concerned expression and grandma's hurt eyes. I knew they were missing _him_ as much as I did but there was nothing I could do about it. Grandma hadn't spoken about it but I could see on her face how much the whole giving-our-gifts-back situation was paining her.

I ate in silence, nodding and smiling politely at my family's comments but I wasn't paying any attention. For a second my mind flew to the voice on my nightmare saying that I would never see _him _again but then I looked up and saw the distress on my dad's face and covered my moment of weakness smiling and asking aunt Alice to help me picking up an outfit for Friday's movie night with my friends. It wasn't being easy to go through the morning routine on my house.

I was relieved that dad didn't insisted on me staying home; I needed the school's distraction, the practices that often made me exhausted, Adam's lovingly touch, Laurie's gossips and small talks, everything that could take my mind of… things.

At least I was able to hide my strange mood from my friends and they didn't seem to notice _his_ absence, which it was a relieve, but maybe no one had noticed how close we used to be; we didn't hung out on the school, I was too afraid of the comments back then. How silly was I? Perhaps no one would talk about us; perhaps Laurie's worry was just a reflex for years and years being on the spotlight. I realized that I had distance myself from… _him_ for no reason.

"What do you think, Ren? We can change it if you think you can't handle." – Laurie asked me excitedly.

"Hum?" – I was so lost in my thoughts that I just noticed that she was talking to me when she said my name.

"Jezz, where were you? About you jumping from Beck's shoulder after finishing the pyramid, you think you can do it? I can change it if you don't like it but I really think you should try. You have good balance and it would be so cool." – her happy smile made my head ache because I knew that a week ago choreography plans got me as excited as she was but now I couldn't care less.

"Yeah, sure. I'll try."

"Yes! Ren, you're the best." – she hugged me.

"Of course she is. It's my girl you're talking about." – Adam teased her, wrapping his left arm around my shoulder.

"Hum… Sorry, guys, I have to go to the bathroom." – I said, getting up quickly and almost running out the cafeteria, not bothering to leave my food untouched.

For some reason the normalcy of everybody behavior was suffocating me. I came to school in an attempt to avoid thinking about… everything but the fact that no one seemed to notice that… someone was missing upset me; I was irritated with the very thing that I expected and I didn't know what to do about it. I didn't have a place to go so I just wondered on the parking lot until my next class, counting the minutes until the school was over and I could go back home and lock myself on my bedroom for the rest of the day.

"Hey, Ren, you disappeared on lunch. You're not getting sick, are you? Today is the photo shoot for the local newspaper, remember?" – Laurie asked me with a stern look.

"Yeah, right. The photo shoot. I completely forgot." – I planned of faking illness to escape from this unnecessary exposure.

"Are you all right? You seem distracted…"

"Perfect. I'm just thinking about Math test tomorrow."

"Oh, yeah, it sucks. But don't worry, you're goon on Math."

In a way I had fun on the dreadful photo shoot. I had to concentrate so I could turn my face slightly to the side in the precise moment so I wouldn't be noticed on the photos, taking extra care so the photographer didn't get upset about ruining his work and the time flew which gave me some rest from all the problems that were spinning on my head. The girls were so distracted and happy trying to look their best that no one seemed to care about my quietness.

"Hey, gorgeous. You're ready to go home?" – Adam smiled, coming to rescue me after four hours of me constantly observing my exact position.

"Yes, please. Bye, girls." – I jumped to his side, not bothering to look back.

He drove home, dropping me at my driveway because he had to go back and help his father with some home project that I honestly didn't care about. I looked up to my immense white house and felt a cold sensation, everything about it seemed so quiet and immobile. For the first time, I thought that I was entering a vampire house.

**A/N: Hey, guys! I usually don't do authors notes because I think there's no point on it. The authors ask the readers what they think and beg for reviews, the readers ignore their requests, the authors threat stop writing, bla, bla, bla…**

**I'm really satisfied with my faithful six reviewers; they are much more that I asked for, especially because their reviews are spontaneous. Thanks, guys!**

**I'm just writing this note to say a special thank you for ****luv2beloved**** for being so kind and agreeing to be my Beta on this story. If you have any time check on her story Fireflies, it's really cute.**


	10. A Thousand Dollars

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The first thing I saw entering the house was the mail sitting on the coffee table in the living room. I was never one to care about the mail because the only thing I got was merchandising but, after receiving his things last week, I caught myself constantly checking the envelops. I knew that I was obsessing about it but I couldn't help it, I mean, what if something had changed and… someone decides to write to me?

I made a quick overview on the envelops and noticed that there was no letter addressed to me, of course, that was just my luck but there was one addressed to Grandpa with no sender. My heart speeded up instantly; the boxes with those insulting things also came without a sender.

"Grandma! Grandma, where are you?" I called, trying to disguise the distress in my voice but I was sure that the words were shaken at the end.

"What is it, dear?" She rushed to my side in a blink.

"This! It has no sender, Grandma. Do you think…?" I handed her the envelope without ending my thought, I couldn't bring myself to say what I was thinking.

"Oh!" She rolled it in her hands nervously, as nervous as I was.

"Please, Grandma, open it." I begged in a whisper.

"Honey, it's addressed to your grandfather, it's not right to open it." She said delicately.

"He's your husband!" I yelled in frustration.

"And he has a right to his privacy. Even from me." Her tone was very soft as if she was trying not to upset me.

"But, Grandma, it can be news from… you know." I tried again.

"I know. Let's call your grandfather and ask him when his shift will be over, shall we?"

Grandpa said that he would be at home in an hour but that we could go ahead and open the letter if I was so eager about it. I knew that it wasn't polite – or legal – to open another person´s mail but I needed to know. Grandma slowly opened it and took the containment off; it was a simple and tiny piece of paper and I didn't understand at first so I took it from her and got surprised. It was a thousand dollar check, signed by Mr. Jacob Black.

I didn't know what made me cry: seeing his name in his handwriting signature or knowing that he had somehow managed to make this money just to send it back to Grandpa. I knew what he was doing; he was paying us back. Because I was stupid enough to open my big mouth and tell people that my best friend, the man that imprinted on me when I was just a baby was poor, leading people to think that he was a gold digger and caused this chain of events.

"Nessie, dear, don't cry. It will be okay. We'll find Jacob and explain everything to him, everything will go back to normal, you'll see." – grandma tried to soothe me.

"It's okay, Grandma. I deserve it. I knew he was a man of honor and yet I let Adam say those things to him."

"But, honey, you're young. Everyone makes mistakes."

"How many times do you let your friends say bad things about the person you treasure the most in your life, Grandma?"

"Honey, you know I don't remember much of my human life, none of us do."

"Yes, I know. And I also know that this is my fault. If you excuse me, I'm tired, I´m going to my room."

Time seems endless when you're grieving about something; at least that's what I thought when mom sat on my bed and combed my hair with her fingers, startling me because I knew she was out with dad hunting which means that it was around midnight. I must have fallen asleep after crying my eyes out.

"Hey, nudge. You hungry?"

"No, thanks."

"Nessie, you have to eat something, it's not healthy." She sighed.

"I ate." I had, I remember eating lunch.

"Probably fifteen hours ago, honey. Please, for your father's sanity, come to the kitchen. He's cooking for you."

"Okay, mom, sure." I let her drag me to the kitchen where dad had set up a beautiful salad for me.

"_Thanks, dad, it looks delicious._"

"You're welcome, love." He kissed my forehead.

Mom and dad sat across me and just observed me eating. I hadn't noticed that I was hungry and mentally thanked my father for having prepared a light meal because I felt my stomach aching after so many hours without food. I couldn't recall having spent that much time without food or blood before. My body was simply not used to starving. Thankfully, my parents hadn't said much while I was eating, only talking about their hunt and other light subjects, never once touching the one that was in my head and I tell them all about my tactics to avoid being caught by the camera which made them laugh. It was good having them with me. They were showing me that they loved me, even after I had screwed up royally as I did.

"It's not your fault, Nessie. We all had our share of wrong in this matter." Dad responded to my thoughts.

"I know." What else was I suppose to say?

"It will be all right, nudge, you'll see." Mom said.

"People keep saying that." I answered.

"Because it's true. Nessie, he's your imprint, you're soul mates. You just have to give him time." She insisted.

"Can we talk about something else?" I was getting tired again, I just wanted to sleep.

"Tired again? But you slept for eight hours." Dad's concerned tone made me shiver.

"The practice was exhausting."

"Okay, then go to sleep, honey. We´ll talk tomorrow." Mom interfered.

I kissed them good night and went to my room again almost stumbling on my feet asleep, I felt so tired all the time I couldn't seem to have a satisfying asleep. Maybe I was being too heavy on the practices; I´ll talk about it with Laurie later.

The next couples of weeks were pretty much the same; I threw myself into school and the practices in order to keep me moving and to avoid thinking. Grandpa Carlisle received two more letters without a sender, both of them with a thousand dollar checks. I hated those letters but at least they were evidences that _he_ was working in some place and making money to refund the money the Cullens had spent all these years. The second letter came with another heavy box that made Grandma cry in her vampire fashion again because it contained all the toys that were donated to the reservation school.

"At least, they kept the books. It was a wise decision sending only the toys." Aunt Rose murmured sadly when she saw the box.

She had happily helped picked up all of the books and toys that Grandma insisted on donating to the community school on the reservation. They had books and toys of they own, of course, but my family wanted to give them more working material. Aunt Rose was really excited because she could finally realize her dream of spoiling children. Of course, she did this to me but I wasn't really interested in children's books when I was little and I outgrew all my toys in mere months. Seeing those beautiful and colorful learning toys inside a cold box and not in a child's hand was one of the saddest things I ever saw.

"Earth to Ren." – Adam snapped his fingers over my eyes to call my attention.

"Sorry. I was just thinking." I smile quickly; worried that he would start questions.

"So I noticed. Well, did you hear me asking you about the game Friday?" He asked amused.

"Hum, not really." I blushed.

"It's okay. So we heard that there would be a spotter at the game Friday and I just wanted you to put on your best look. It's always good to have a pretty girl by your side to call attention." He winked at me.

"Oh, yeah, sure."

"Great. The couch is arranging something like a cocktail party after the game so the guy can talk with the team, would you come with me?"

"Of course." I said, thinking that I would have two days to practice putting on a happy face to show to some guy.

"It's a date then." He said, kissing my cheek before heading to his class.

Perfect. Just perfect.


	11. Cocktail Party

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The meeting with the spotter wasn't so bad after all. He was a bulky middle aged man with the first signs of balding and narrow eyes. I noticed this because he was very interested in Adam and Uncle Emmett had said that he was a good player a while ago and I trusted him completely in the football issue. Mr. Michael Woods talked with my boyfriend for almost an hour, asking him questions about his carrier projects, his grades and a lot of other things that really didn't get my attention. At the end of the night, Adam had a huge smile on his face, talking on and on about every minimum detail of their exchange which was good because the only thing I had to do was nod and smile, occasionally doing some "Oh's", "Hum's" and "Great's", so he could think I was participating in the conversation.

It's not that the party was all bad. There were enough teenagers from my school to keep me busy in small talks and the food and drinks – nothing alcoholic for the underage public – weren't so bad. Plus, it was interesting to see how Mr. Woods approached some players while ignoring most of them and the excited faces of the guys that were trying to play cool and pretend that they were ignoring him as well.

But I definitely didn't want to be there, especially after finding out that the guest of honor's companion was a kind of spotter too. His brunette and elegantly dressed wife, Rita, worked in a teenage fashion magazine and she often went with her husband to the games so she could see the girls around, trying to find some hot new face for the next cover. Apparently, she thought that it would be a good idea if Adam and I posed for a photo shoot to illustrate some article they were doing about teenager activities.

"Oh, no, thanks. I don't intend to be a model." I answered quickly, trying to be as polite as I could.

"What? Come on, Ren, every cheer leader wants to be a model." Adam mocked.

"That's not true. I don't." I replied irritated.

"Oh, Ren, it would be really funny. Imagine that: we could spend the whole weekend together, modeling for them." Laurie said from behind Rita. I hadn't noticed that she was listening to us.

"I'm afraid we only need a couple for this work. You could send me some photo samples and I would make sure the magazine books you." Rita said to Laurie in a professional and kind of cold tone. Laurie smiled awkwardly to her and gave me a strange look from head to toe. Weird.

"I'm really not interested." I said tentatively.

"I'll tell what. Keep my phone number and think about it until next week. Talk with your parents about this and don't be afraid to call if they want to know more about my proposition." She said with a confident look in her green eyes, giving me a small white card, with her name and phone number written in caramel words.

The rest of the party was… strange.

Adam kept trying to convince me that I should take the offer because this would help him in his carrier and I should start soon if I'm planning on modeling. I told him repeatedly that I wasn't interested in it but he seemed deft to my arguments. At some point he told me that trying to fake disinterest was cute for selling magazines but I could be honest with him. In his words there was no way somebody with my looks wouldn't want to be a model and make tons of money. Like I need money, my family has enough for me and a lot other people.

Laurie was uncharacteristically sarcastic with me, especially when I was close to the Woods. She said that I should have put her in the conversation when Rita asked me to pose for the magazine since we were friends. I didn't know what to say about that so I just apologized to her, reminding her that Rita had asked her to send pictures but that just made Laurie angrier; she said that it was only a polite way to dismiss her. When I offered to talk about her and ask Rita to reconsider taking the photos with her she said that I would just humiliate her more. I honestly didn't know what to do and the whole situation was giving me a major headache.

Finally, Adam decided that it was time to _'leave elegantly'_ and took me home. Despite feeling strangely helpless every time I entered the house those last days I was relieved to come back because I could stop pretending.

"Thanks for helping me tonight, Ren." He said, turning off the car and leaning into me.

"Stop calling me that!" I snapped; my head was hurting pretty bad and I felt under a lot of pressure and hearing the stupid nickname sent me to the edge.

"What? You love when I call you this." Was his shocked answer.

"No, I don't. I like Nessie, I've been Nessie since the day I was born and I don't know what's got me to accept that I should be ashamed of that. I love Nessie. It was the name Jake gave me."

And that's when I felt it. A sharp pain expanding over my chest. It felt like someone was opening a hole in it, exposing my numb heart. Since the day he left, I couldn't bring myself to say his name anymore; it hurt too much but that day I was out of my self-control and the name simply slipped from my lips before I could even think about it. A tremor ran through my body, bringing tears to my eyes. I looked to the window to hide them.

"Oh, I see. I thought that he left." He murmured bitterly.

"He did." I said simply.

"Listen, Ren… Nessie. I don't want to fight with you, okay? Especially not today. I'm sorry if you don't like my nickname for you. I won't call you Ren anymore, okay?" His sudden change made me look at him. He had a smile on his face and I smiled too.

"Okay. Sorry, I have a headache."

"No problem. Good night, honey."

He leaned in and kissed me and I felt weird. I was kissing Adam for three months and it was always pleasant but I felt kind of nauseated when his lips touched mine and he pushed his tongue over my lower lips. I pulled away quickly, not corresponding to the kiss, saying that I was late for my curfew and my parents would be mad. I really didn't want to think about the funky sensation in my stomach. I jumped out of the car and practically ran to the house and inside my bedroom, avoiding the curious looks on my family's faces.

Laurie acted funny on Monday, demanding more concentration to already extremely committed cheer leaders, especially me. She refused to lunch with us and fought with her boyfriend Zac for no reason. The boys made fun of her saying that she's got PMS but I've never saw her acting so harshly with anyone besides Alissa. I tried to ignore her and kept myself out of her range for the entire week.

It was a little more difficult to do it with Adam, though. He was really excited with the attention that Mr. Woods gave to him and made extensive research on his résumé, trying to find some A league player that was discovered by him. Turns out that there were two promising guys on the college teams that were pointed by him as potential stars and that made Adam almost fly to the Moon in awe. I was happy for him but his constant babbling about the guy was making me sick.

I prayed every single minute of every day for the time to go home, even knowing that there could be another letter without a sender when I got there. I felt that I didn't fit in any place else other than my room. Jasper was having a hard time being around me, therefore he and Alice were constantly out of sight when I was home but I couldn't bring myself to care. The only thing I cared about was trying to mend the hole in my chest and I find it harder and harder to do it at each passing day.


	12. Realization

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Six hundred eighteen dollars and forty seven cents. That's the summarization of my life. That's the value of the check I received three months ago which is the exact amount of money I spent with… _him_ during the time he was around. I hadn't waste my time checking because I knew that it would be right. After all, werewolves' memories are almost as good as vampires'. It wasn't much compared with the regular checks that my grandfather received almost every week since that day but I never really spent my own money on anything, there was always someone else around to buy our clothes, shoes, food and whatever else we wanted. I could easily count every single one of the times that I gave my own money to something and I was sure… _he_ could do it too.

Mom was so upset with the check that I had to run and lock the bedroom door before she could catch it and rip it to pieces. I knew that she had a good point on destroying the vile piece of paper but I couldn't bring myself or permit someone to do it. It was something that came from him. Something that proved that he was alive and living his life somewhere. After loosing my bracelet that check became the only thing I had that he gave to me so I kept it, making a ritual to look at it every night before bed. Dad tried to convince me to trash it but it was useless. I needed that piece of paper as I needed air.

And the days passed by without acknowledgement. I felt pathetic and lonely, constantly battling with my parents over unimportant things. They even settled a hunting schedule under the excuse of me losing weight. I honestly didn't know what was so wrong about my feeding habits. I ate when I was hungry, it's just that I wasn't hungry much anymore.

School was making me sick more and more each day. I couldn't concentrate on anything and Laurie was constantly lecturing me about my lack of commitment to the squad. I didn't feel happy anymore so how was I supposed to cheer people? At some point, I thought about giving up but Adam said that I was just passing through a phase and soon I would regret abandoning the squad.

Adam was the only thing that was right in my world these days. I caught myself needing him more and more each day. He was the only one I could trust to make me slightly happy. Even after signing a contract with Mr. Woods and having a busy agenda he always finds a way to make some time to be with me. Unfortunately, our time together was very limited because he was always training or having interviews with someone interested on his skills. I was very proud of his achievements and really hoped that he wins a good contract along with a good scholarship but I worried about my place in his life.

"Re… Nessie, I talked with Rita yesterday and she's still interested in you. She said that if you accepted her proposition she would have you in the next magazine." He said while kissing my earlobe tenderly.

"I told you before. I'm not interested." I said annoyed; I was getting tired of that conversation.

"But it's good money and you know how it would help my career. We talked about this."

"Yes, we did and I remember telling you that you're being ridiculous. They're interested in you because you're an amazing player. No one would want you if you were bad, even if you dated the hottest movie star at the moment."

"I know but when the player dates a supermodel everyone talks about them. Open a gossip magazine to see that I'm right. All the guys that have celebrities' girlfriends are on the spot and that's what I need now."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Adam, because I don't want to be on the spot. That's the least of the things I need right now. I believe we're in a paradox."

"Only you can use a word like that when we're having a serious conversation." He smiled and kissed my collarbone.

"You need to expand your vocabulary, anyway."

"Yeah, it would make an impression on the referee when I tell him to _paradox_ it off."

I laughed. Only Adam could twist a legitimate word into a curse. That's what I loved about him; everything could turn into something funny. He was so carefree all the time. He didn't have to worry about bloodlust, keeping a low profile to avoid too much attention, having to hide in the woods to phase into a giant wolf. Everything was plain and simple and he could make jokes and touch people without having to calculate putting the precise amount of strength in his touch so he wouldn't hurt them. That was Adam. Plain, simple, happy and human. Only he was capable of making me laugh at that time.

But even he couldn't mend the hole in my chest. Every time I thought about… _things_ my heart seemed to shrug. I felt restless and unease all the time and the nightmares were getting worst. I hadn't had a peaceful night of sleep in months. I didn't dream with… _his_ voice anymore, it was just darkness. Pure and complete darkness all around and inescapable. I dreamt and dreamt about nothing, that I was becoming nothing. And I always woke up screaming.

One morning, after my usual session of screams and cries, dad entered my room angry, demanding me to join them on a hunting trip.

"I don't care if you're not thirsty, Renesmee, I'm your father and I'm telling you that you're going with us today. Get ready to leave in two hours." He said sternly.

"Dad, I'm really…" I tried again.

"There's nothing you can say, missy, so spare me of your lame excuses. You're going and that's the end of this conversation." Mom chooses that moment to follow him.

"Honey, you're thin like you never were before. We're worried that you might get sick. Please, come with us."

"Okay, fine." I sighed.

"Thank you." Dad smiled and kissed my forehead before leaving with mom.

Hunting was always a game to me. I remember running faster so I could to be the first one to catch our prey. So I could take down the bigger one when I was little but there was no point on it anymore. My family was indulgent and always let me win the game. _He _was the only one that never let me win. _He_ was the only one that really made me fight for what I wanted. So I just went with the mood and took down two sick deer. They were suffering and it was almost a mercy act to end their poor lives. That's what hunting became to me, only a matter of survival, nothing more.

When I realized that my life had become a pet excuse for existence I got mad. How could I let this happen? How could I feel so useless and empty just because of one person? I couldn't even say his name without feeling pain. That was not right.

And I would make sure to change it from that point on.


	13. Throwing Gifts

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Throwing heavy things out of the window has proved to be quite therapeutic. Having the weight of it on my arms empowered me somehow. I felt good while thrashing, screaming and kicking all the things that were sent back from the reservation. After my epiphany I had run straight home and flee to the room were my family was keeping the gifts that that ungrateful person had returned without thinking twice. He wasn't even decent enough to write a note or a letter explaining his attitude. I knew I was having a rage episode but I didn't care, it felt good to have something else to destroy besides myself.

"Renesmee, stop this, please. Let's talk about it. You don't need to ruin these things. We were saving them to give it back to them when we overcome this situation." Mom was saying quietly. She came running after me as soon as she heard my outburst and was trying to calm me down.

"No, you won't. You won't give anything back. They don't want it, nothing will be back there. They don't want us, we don't want them" I shouted.

"Nessie…" She tried again but I cut her off.

"NO. NO. I hate them." – I screamed, throwing a computer at the wall – "All of them. Hate, hate, hate…" I screamed my hatred repeatedly, destroying things for a while more before I felt strong arms restraining me.

"Nessie, stop." Dad pleaded in his most soothing velvet voice, appearing by my side from nowhere and grabbing me by the waist.

"I hate him. I hate him." I struggled to free myself from his strong embrace, not realizing that I had started to refer to just one person.

"Shhh…" He held me a little tightly but I was still struggling.

"I hate him. I hate him." I was throwing little punches on his stoned chest, trying to gain freedom.

"No, you don't, my beautiful girl. That's the whole problem." He murmured.

"Daddy, I can't… I can't…" I babbled defeated, letting him drag me down to the floor somehow sitting me on his lap.

He had finally managed to control me, holding me tightly while rocking back and forth, saying lovingly disconnected words. He was telling how much he loved me, how beautiful I was and that everything would be all right, kissing my hair and wiping my wet cheeks. I hadn't realized I was crying freely because I was so caught up in my own pain. We sat there for an immense amount of time. There was comfort in his cold and rigid body and I just learned against his chest until my cry turned into long and tired sobs. My body finally gave in to exhaustion and unconsciousness took me over.

I woke up in the darkness of my bedroom. Shifting on the bed I felt a cold presence by my side and breathed in the marvelous scent of my father. He didn't say anything, just gently pulled my head above his shoulder and held me for a while, humming beautifully the lullaby he composed years ago for my mother.

"_I'm sorry, daddy."_ I thought, unable to speak because I felt so ashamed.

"Ashamed about what?" He said against my hair.

"_Everything. Being such a child, destroying those things, yelling at mom."_

"Don't worry about the things, Renesmee. They were only that. Things. You're much more important. Your mother is only upset because she knows you're suffering. She knows that you didn't mean to offend her. And you're only eight; you're supposed to be a child." I felt his mouth twisting in a smile at his last statement.

"_How long have you waited to remind me of my actual age?"_ I thought playfully.

"A while. Since you started dating that Adam boy, actually." The smile on his voice was obvious. I punched his chest lightly and he laughed.

"_Daddy, what's happening to me? I can't even understand why I did that."_

"You're hurt, princess. People tend to be mad when they hurt. It's only human."

"_I'm not human. Only half."_

"I'm not human, either, and that didn't stop me to make a lot of very human mistakes. Falling in love with a human being was one of them."

"_That was not a mistake."_ I thought surprised.

"Yes, it was. Yes, it led me to find the love of my existence but it was a big mistake. You don't know how much I regretted back then not having the strength to let Bella live her life without interfering. I should have been stronger and not getting close to her. In the end, she had to give up of her humanity to be with me and I'm still not convinced that she couldn't have done better."

"_Do you regret marring her?"_

"Never. But sometimes I wonder if she wouldn't be happier without me. She certainly would be human."

"_She wouldn't. You're her world."_

"And so she's mine." We kept quiet for a while, with him rubbing my arm lightly "It's been a long time since you called me daddy. I missed it."

"_Me too."_

"Will you tell me what happened?"

"_I really don't know. I just thought that it wasn't fair having this guilt dominating my life. It's been four months, daddy. Four months. And, and… he never tried any kind of contact. Sending those things back was low, daddy. Very, very low."_

"Maybe so, princess. But calling the man that saved all of us from certain death a gold digger was too."

"I never called him that." I said out loud, offended.

"You led people to think it, Nessie. In his mind it was the same."

"_I just wish everything was back the way they were before."_ I thought hopelessly.

"It's impossible, love. We can't undo the past. But we can use our past mistakes to make a better future. We don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. Well, Alice does but even she has difficulties on seeing your future." He laughed lightly from his little joke "Just hang in there, all right? I know that you don't believe it right now but everything will fall in place eventually. You act like you had lost Jacob forever and we both know that's not true. Give him the time he needs, honey. He'll come back."

"_What if he doesn't?"_

"Well, then we'll have to call a wolf's hunting season. Now, come, your mother wants to see you and you need to eat something." He smiled, pulling me out of the bed.

Mom was waiting for us with a smile on her face. I was sure she had eavesdropped on our conversation but I didn't care, I owned her that much. I ate quietly under their eyes and went back to sleep, asking them to lay down with me. I didn't want to be alone that night.

The weekend passed calmly. Mom and dad took with me with them on a hunting trip, only the three of us. It was good, I missed my alone time with my parents. Between all the drama in my life, school, practices and my awful necessity to sleep I hadn't pay attention to them and I regretted it. I knew how much they worry about me and my constant battle to find a place in the world.

On Monday I had a surprise. Adam took me to lunch in the mall saying that we needed to talk. I didn't like to see his preoccupied expression but kept my mouth shut on our way there. He would tell me what was worrying him soon. We ate in an awkward silence. I tried to make small talk but he didn't follow my mood. He seemed extremely uncomfortable and it was starting to get on my nerves.

"Adam, just say what you want to say already. You're making me anxious." I complained.

"Nessie, I have something very serious to say to you but you have to promise not to hate me." He pleaded.

"What? Why would I hate you?" I asked shocked.

"Just promise." He asked again.

"Okay, fine. I won't hate you."

"It's… I… I like you a lot. You know that, right?"

"Of course I know. Adam, you're scaring me."

"I'm sorry. I… I just…"

"You what? Say it!" I demanded.

"I… I'm breaking up with you."


	14. Surprises

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

While walking down the school's halls as a zombie I was vaguely aware of people greeting me and talking to me. Truth, I wasn't really paying attention. I was still replaying my lunch with Adam in my head, still trying to understand the real meaning of his words, looking for some kind of sign that would tell me that I had misinterpreted something or that would make the whole situation comprehensible.

"Ren, Ren!" Laurie jogged after me.

"Hum?" I answered distracted.

"Hey, girl. You look sick. You're not ditching practice again, are you?" She seemed concerned and I made an effort to smile.

"No, no. I was just thinking about some test next week. I'm not sure if I had finished all the assignments Ms. LaMarca gave to us." That should be a good excuse.

"Oh, that sucks. Don't worry about it, Ms. LaMarca adores you, she'll let you give whatever you have late. It's not like she's expecting us to actually speak Spanish, anyway. I mean, if we go to Mexico or some place else, I'm sure we can find people that speak English." She said in just one breath.

"Well, there are professions that demand knowing other languages." I argued.

"Professions? Why would I be worried about professions?" She looked puzzled.

"Laurie, even models sometimes work abroad. You should be prepared."

"Honey, I don't intend to work as model so much that I would have to be in another country. As soon as I find a good husband, which means a rich husband, I'll retire." She replied calmly.

"You shouldn't base your future in another person." I said timidly, I really didn't know what to say about this.

"Oh, Ren, you're so naïve sometimes." She laughed. "So, the practice. We have to work harder on the choreography because the next game is the finals and we have to be prepared to give a good show when our team becomes champions."

"That's what I call being confident." I giggled.

"Well, I'm sure as Hell won't support our adversary." She smiled.

"Me either. Okay, let's practice until exhaustion." I said, taking her arm.

"That's the spirit, girl."

And boy, she did make us practice until our eyes popped out but I had to admit that it was worth. The choreography was cheerful and contagious. But one downside about being a half vampire is that my brain could focus on multiple things at the same time and after having learned my part, my mind was free to replay the break up scene until the point of insanity.

Adam said that his agent was putting pressure on him to be more 'visible'. Mr. Woods wanted him to be on the spot, to be spotted at some hot dance club or whatever else celebrities did that made them appear in the gossip magazines and, of course, Adam couldn't afford to have an average girlfriend by his side, especially one that didn't want to be captured by the cameras so they decided to make up a fake relationship between him and a rising model, Ashley Moore. He explained that it would be only for a little while, it was only business. Ashley also had a shy boyfriend, actually fiancé, and she needed someone to put her in the headlights as well. He even had shown me pictures of her. She was pretty with long blond hair, blue eyes, thin and porcelain skin. Typically Hollywood.

So he dumped me.

He said that he wasn't really ending our relationship, that we could still date as long as we were careful not to do it in public and that no one else besides my family and his – and his agent, of course – knew it. I was shocked, stunned and confused but not to the point to agree with a secret relationship. I didn't need another secret, I had too many of them in my life already.

"_And that was how my first boyfriend broke my heart." _I thought bitterly.

Thankfully, the next few days were so busy with the practices and tests that the last game came in a blink. Laurie was surprised to hear that Adam and I weren't together anymore. He was kind enough to agree when I said that I would say to people that I was the one that dumped him. Maybe he agreed because he knew that it was a lie but I didn't care. It made me look less pathetic and I wasn't the hottest gossip in the school for long.

I had to thank Alissa Tanning for this, too. She had participated at one audition a couple of months ago for a new teenage show that a famous TV channel would start producing and had made it. The whole school was talking about how lucky she was, how much she deserved, how talented she was, bla, bla, bla…

Frankly, I wasn't so impressed. Everyone knew that she was a good musician; it made sense that she was a good actress too. Deep down I still resent her for trying to steal… _things_ from me. I hoped that the show was crap and that no one watches it and get cancelled in the first season. Yeah, I know, it was weak and selfish but I couldn't help to feel like this.

We were in the locker room, getting ready for the big game. I was doing my make up, puzzled by some of the girls behavior. They were giggling non stop and chatting furiously about some celebrity event which made me curious for one minute but then I shrugged it off. I assumed that some new hot movie was shaking the world again and eventually they would ask me to see it with them. That was when Laurie came to me with a murderous look in her eyes and a magazine on her hands.

"Ren, you won't believe this." She tossed the magazine on my lap.

"What?" A cold tremble passed through my body. Adam was already on gossip magazines with _Ashley_ by his side?

"I knew it! You kept saying that I was wrong but I just knew it. That little whore." She was fuming.

"Laurie, you're not making any sense." She never said anything bad about Adam.

"Page 22, Ren." She answered simply.

I opened the dreadful magazine with shaking hands. Seeing the happy couple holding hands and smiling with a lame text about how they were so deeply in love with each other was not my top priority but a morbid curiosity impelled me. I floundered a little before finding the offending page. I was prepared to see my ex-boyfriend smiling to a stunning blond, maybe even kissing her but that was not what I found.

The news covered a red carpet event from Alissa´s show. There were a lot of photos from celebrities wearing expensive and beautiful dresses. It took me a while to find what got Laurie so mad on the cacophony of colors and beautiful faces on the pages but when I did the world froze.

There was a picture of Alissa Tanning in a purple dress to die for, being held by the waist by her escort, smiling and waving to the public with one hand while the other one was being kissed by her companion. I never had such a devastating vision before. My heart stopped and my eyes watered instantly.

Kissing her hand and walking her through the red carpet was the man that had made my life miserable, the man that had destroyed the happiness in my world.

Jacob Black.


	15. Rainbows

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Lying down on my bed, I was watching the walls and ceiling with fascination. My bedroom was a palate of little rainbows, reflecting an abnormal sunny day through the pyramidal water prism. It was a beautiful and comforting vision. It gave me the feeling that I was still allowed to see beauty and be satisfied about it. I could stare at their pretty colors for hours without getting bored.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" I asked in a weak voice.

"Yes, honey, it is." Mom answered, rubbing my arms up and down.

"We used to lay here and watch the rainbows for hours, remember?" I wasn't avoiding talking about him anymore. It seemed that after seeing him again I couldn't stop saying his name or thinking about him.

"Infuriating your father." We laughed, reminding all the times dad threatened to rip his head off when he caught us that way. "Are you planning on going to school tomorrow?"

"No. I'm sorry, mom, I just can't stand to be there. Adam keeps trying to convince me that we should have a secret relationship and I don't want to hear Laurie talking about that picture anymore." I murmured.

"It's okay, nudger. You don't have to go. You could probably learn what they'll teach today by yourself, anyway. You're just that smart." She said proudly.

"Mom, do you think it's possible that imprinting just ceases to exist?" I couldn't help it, I had to ask. I had told my family about the magazine. No one really knew what to say about it. Dad just asked uncle Jasper to put me to sleep.

"I honestly don't know, honey. I guess not even the Quilleutes know but I don't think that's possible. A wolf imprints on his soul mate. Whether or not he's with this person, they continue being soul mates, I suppose." She had a worried winkle on her forehead saying that.

"I'm a half vampire. Maybe the connection is just not that strong with someone that isn't entirely human." Those kinds of thoughts have been buzzing on my mind since I found out that Jacob was dating Alissa.

"Nessie, we already talked about this. We're not sure what that photo means. You said yourself that Jake was one of the few people that girl talked to in the school. It could be nothing." Her voice sounded tired.

"Yeah. Fifty percent of chance of being nothing, right?" Was my weak attempt of a joke.

"Yes, my little nudger. Fifty percent. Come on, then. If you're not going to the school, we're going to hunt. You have to be strong for the dress shopping tomorrow." She tried to cheer me up.

"Yeah, okay."

I skipped school the whole week, pretending I was sick but that didn't stop Aunt Alice of inviting Laurie to a shopping trip on Friday. She thought that spending a lot of money in clothes and shoes that I'll probably wear only once would be a good way to distract me of my new obsession: staring at a gossip magazine picture to try and find signs that say something about the couple on it, constantly trying to read their body language, trying to read their eyes, the way their hands were connected, the way the man held the woman's waist… Of course, my search was useless but some part of my brain refused to accept that.

Last week I put on a brave face, went to school and acted like nothing had happened. I thought that would be the best move. If I missed it people would wonder why I wasn't there and would start gossiping about Jake's disappearance and his relationship with Alissa – not that the last one wasn't already happening. I was just not ready to face this kind of trouble.

"Esme, did you see Jacob's weekly check? I can't find it." I heard Alice saying downstairs when we left my room.

"Yes, dear, it's right here." She answered and I heard her opening some drawer.

"Perfect. I'm going to the bank now and…" I was in front of her before she could finish her sentence.

"What are you doing? How can you take this money? You don't have enough of you own money? This bloody family has money enough to spend for at least two centuries. You don't need to take his money to buy some ridiculous shoes, he needs it more than you." I yelled outrageous, yanking it from her hands, taking advantage of her surprise.

"Ness, what…?" Mom tried to say something but I wasn't listening, occupied in my shouting fit.

"It's just a thousand dollars, Alice. I don't think this will cover even your lipstick." In the back of my head I knew I was hurting my aunt saying those things but I couldn't stop myself.

"That's why I'm using these checks to make a fund for Jacob's college education." She replied with the colder tone she ever used with me.

"What?" That statement took me off guard.

"If you had asked me politely before starting to yell like a maniac, I would have explained to you that ever since Jacob started to send these checks Carlisle asked me if I could make a fund for him, investing his money the way I do with ours, so when he come back he would have his own money to pay for his college education and wouldn't feel such a burden to us." She said in a monotone voice as if she was talking about the weather.

"I… I…" I was speechless.

"Yeah, I know. But that doesn't change the fact that you took your own conclusions about me without considering everything that this family went through all these years. I thought that the situation with the pack had taught you a lesson but obviously I was wrong. I can relate to Jacob now. It sure hurts. If you excuse me, I have important things to do."

I didn't know what was more painful: seeing and hearing the hurt on Aunt Alice's voice and face or knowing that she was right. I was such a spoiled brat. I jumped into wrong conclusions again, not relying on everything that I knew about the sweetness that was my aunt. That argument made me feel even worst, if that was possible.

Time dragged on slowly after that. Laurie, Aunt Alice and I went to the dreadful shopping trip and Aunt Alice made it a point to visit every single boutique in the town but she wasn't really in her happy, carefree mood. I had apologized with her later that night and she accepted, of course, but I made her sad. Vampires don't handle too well with changes and she thought that my way to seeing her had changed. I was such a stupid girl. At least Laurie had a great time shopping like there was no tomorrow. She tried to pay for her things on the first three stores but Aunt Alice just shrugged her off and then she gave up. Life continued pretty much the same for me. School, practice, refusing Adam's attempts of relationship, faking surprise when he started to appear on the news with Ashley, refusing another men's date invitations, etc...

A month after that magazine was released I was presented with Jacob's face and body illustrating a hot underwear campaign for a well known clothes brand and had to laugh. How ironic my life was. Jacob was always the one to tell me that we should be careful with exposure, always trying to blend in with the crowd and after only five months apart from my family he was on outdoor banners and magazines all around the country. Saying that seeing the irony on it didn't make me feel any better was an understatement but at least I laugh a little. And I was drawn into depression a bit more every day.

Finally I decided that I would give up on the cheer leader squad. I joined them because I loved to dance and for the human experience. I had great times with the girls really and met a lot of people because of them but I really wasn't that crazy about it. Like a lot of human experiences – including dating – I had done it, enjoyed it and got tired of it. It wasn't a big deal for me.

But not for Laurie. She had the weirdest expression on her face when I told her about my decision. If she was a cartoon character her eyes would have popped out and rolled to the ground. She simply couldn't understand why I was quitting the squad and kept talking about my achievements as a cheer leader and how much people admired me and that I was just crazy even thinking about giving up a position that some girls would kill for it. I laughed at that because I actually had killed before and I thought that mountain lion's blood was a much better reason to kill than being a cheer leader.

Since my mind was made up she couldn't talk me out of my decision but she was a stubborn little thing and made me go to the practices with her just to watch, thinking that I would be tempted to come back. I confess that I actually thought about coming back just to be spared from the torture of seeing the practices. Looking at it as a spectator made me realize how boring they were.

In the last practice, I noticed some uncommon movements and little groups whispering and giggling. I could easily eavesdrop with my inhuman hearing but I wasn't in the mood for teenage gossip so I was ignored it. At the end of the practice, three girls came to me with hopeful expressions and a big smile on their faces, leaded by a very determinated looking Laurie.

"That's it, Ren. We can't stand your brood mood anymore. We decided to cheer you up whether you want it or not." She said with a wicked smile.

"Yeah? And how are you going to do that?" I dared her playfully.

"Easy. We're going to take you to Mexico." She answered with shining eyes.


	16. Beck's Revelation

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Absolutely not!" Dad said coldly.

"But, dad, the girls…" He cut me off with an angry voice.

"It's out of the question, Renesmee. That's the end of this discussion."

"Honey, you know how Mexico is dangerous." Mom explained for the tenth time.

"Mom, a million people go to Mexico for the weekend and not every one of them is attacked by vampire." I said again.

"And not every one of them come back either." Dad stated, his eyes shining in their darkest tone, full of fury.

"I'm half vampire. I'm strong." I argued.

"They're full vampires. Newborns. They're stronger." I hated when mom said something with that smart ass look on her face.

"Jasper said that they don't live in the city and that they're more worried about their wars than a bunch of teenage humans."

"Jasper!" Aunt Rosalie murmured in a menacing tone.

"No. I didn't say that. She's taking it out of context. And I don't have a say about this, anyway. I'm not her father. "Uncle Jasper babbled uncomfortably and I could swear that he would be blushing if he was human.

"That's right! I am. And I'm saying no." And with that dad stormed out of the living room before I could argue anymore.

There was an awkward silence in the room. My parents and I had been arguing about my trip to Mexico with the girls for over an hour. The rest of my family remained quiet the whole time, not knowing exactly what to do or what side to take. They knew that I needed something different to think about and that I could use the distraction but they were also worried about the terrible stories from Uncle Jasper's past.

I couldn't believe them. Jasper hadn't seen his former coven in over fifty years. They shouldn't even be there anymore. My family was just overreacting and overprotecting me again. I was beyond infuriated. That was the exact same thing that made me mess things up with Jacob. They were still treating me like a porcelain doll, not letting me do anything or knowing about dangerous things. I suppressed a frustrated scream.

For the rest of the week, my parents avoided any talks about trips and sunny places. I told the girls about my family stubbornness and they were really disappointed because apparently they were counting on my credit card to cover the expenses.

"Well, you can always escape them." Beck said on Thursday's lunch.

"What?" Distraction was my middle name those days. Beck blushed, making her blue eyes and blond hair stand out.

"I said that you can escape them. Like running away? But you wouldn't really run away, just escape for the weekend. I'm sure they wouldn't even get mad with you, just relieved that you came back safe. I mean, that was what happened with my older brother. Except that he wasn't gone for the whole weekend, he just disappeared for like thirty six hours or something." She answered quickly, as she always did when she was nervous. Beck had been a shy girl when she was younger and sometimes she still struggled with her nature.

"Oh, that's actually perfect. Beck, you're a genius." Laurie clapped her hands happily.

"I don't know guys. My dad always can tell when I'm lying. I swear he can read my mind." I felt more confident when I told them half truths. Luckily, the bell rang and they forgot what we were talking about.

But I hadn't. If I could find a way to trick my parents, escaping them for a few hours, it would be very easy. Once I was on the plane they couldn't do anything but wait for me to come back. I knew that the minute I stepped in the house all Hell would break loose but I couldn't stop feeling excited about the idea of a rebel escapade. It seemed like a very irresponsible and teenage thing to do. Nothing could be more human than being totally reckless. And human experiences was the whole point of going to High School

I planned everything very carefully during the rest of the school day. At home I was extra alert to not slip and think about it. It was the easiest thing I did. I simply went to school like any other day and got Laurie, Beck and Anna, leaving at lunch. It would take at least two hours for them to miss us and by that time we would be flying already. Before going home the day before I had bought the tickets at the plane company with cash, just in case my dad was tracking my credit card and I had money enough at home for this trip. Mexico was a big country so they wouldn't find us and would have to wait until I got back home.

The girls were surprised and puzzled by my little kidnapping. I told them that I didn't want to take the chance of some of the teachers finding about our plan and calling our parents but I was just hiding my plans from Aunt Alice. I knew she wouldn't see my decision but she could still track the girls. If they only found out in the last minute she wouldn't see it, especially if I only told them the name of the flying company when we would be about to board. We had to buy a few clothes at the airport shop but it was fun.

It was night when we arrived in Cancun but it was relatively early. We checked in a small three stars hotel because I wanted to keep a low profile but the girls didn't seem to mind and went out to find a restaurant. While we were waiting for a cab I noticed an outdoor ad across the street. '_Jacob and his stupid underwear campaign. Not even in Mexico I can get rid of it.' _I thought. Beck saw my serious expression and looked at the outdoor ad too, making a knowing expression.

After our dinner we decided to take a walk around the shore to feel the sea breeze. My pace was slower than human and soon the girls were a little distant from me, occupied with their chatting, laughing and especially checking out the boys that were also walking around. I smiled at their silliness. Smelling the salt air was a good way to clean my mind. I hadn't notice how much I missed the calming waves sound. I missed LaPush and their bonfires. I missed home.

"I never understood, you know?" Beck said all the suddenly. She was the only one walking by my side.

"Oh, there's a lot of things I don't understand either, Beck. Care to share what you are talking about." I answered mockingly and she laughed a little.

"You and Jacob. I never understood." She seemed ashamed saying that.

"I'm still lost, Beck." She was a little taller than me so I had to look up to face her.

"It's just that I always asked myself why you started dating Adam when you were so in love with Jacob. I mean, it was so obvious that he was crazy about you. It didn't make sense to me." Her eyes were soft as if she was asking me to not be upset with her.

"What did you just say?" I murmured. Her statement had the same effect that a punch in my stomach. I was feeling out of breath.

"I'm sorry, Ren. I didn't mean to intrude. I shouldn't have said anything. It's just that you were looking at his picture with this longing face and I thought that maybe you were ready to talk." She was talking very quickly, obviously mortified.

"No, it's okay. I-I wasn't in love with him." To say I was shocked was an understatement.

"You don't have to pretend, Ren. We knew how difficult it has been for you. But I'm sure that if you talk with Jacob everything would be fine. He always was nice to me. He won't reject you, I know." Her kind smile only added to my confusion.

"Nice to you? I didn't know you talked to him."

"Of course I did. We became friends when he went to see you practice. I even invited him to have lunch with us a couple of times but he always refused." What? I didn't know that Jake watched my practices. And Beck was friends with him? "At first I thought that you avoided him in school because you wanted to be friends with Laurie and she so obviously had a crush on him but then you started to date Adam and I got confused." I stopped walking.

"Laurie had a crush on Jacob?"

"Didn't you know?" She asked with wide eyes.

"No. She said that I shouldn't hang out with him in the school because he wasn't an athlete and it would draw attention."

"Oh, my God, Ren! She tricked you so you would stay away and she could hit on him."

"She hit on him?"

"All the time. It makes sense now. That's why she introduced you to Adam."

"Ren, Beck! Come on. It's getting late and we're tired, let's go to the hotel." Anna called from across the street. They already had a cab.

"Ren, please. Don't make a scene, okay? We'll talk more about this tomorrow. Let's just sleep now; every one is tired, including you." Beck pleaded.

She was right. It wouldn't do any good for me to confront Laurie at that moment because we would still have to share the same hotel room. We went to bed as soon as we got in the hotel but I just rolled on the bed all night, thinking about everything that Beck had said to me that night.

I was wrong all the time. Jacob wasn't an outsider, after all. The cool people in the school liked him and Laurie, the cheer leader captain, had such a bad crush on him that she introduced me to a guy just to get me out of the way. And Beck was sure I was in love with him. But I wasn't. I never was in love with him. Never.

That night I had a lot of trouble to fall asleep.


	17. Hunting Coyotes

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

In the morning the girls decided to have our breakfast out of the hotel to explore the city a bit more. I was really tired because I only slept two hours. My mind simply wouldn't rest, replaying my conversation with Beck over and over again. There were so many unanswered questions on my head.

What should I do with Laurie? Should I confront her or just never talk to her anymore? Who was lying to me: Beck or Laurie?

If Laurie was really betraying me, did Adam know about it? Did he lie to me too? I started to believe that he was capable of a lot of things after he dumped me just so he would have a girlfriend that liked to be on gossip magazines as much as himself.

Beck thought that Jacob was in love with me but that must had been only because of the imprinting. He must have looked at me the same way the other imprinted wolves look at their imprintees and she took it for romantic love.

But my most important question was the most intriguing one. Why did Beck think I was in love with Jacob? It didn't make any sense. She said that it was obvious that I was in love with him and that he was crazy about me. Those words tormented me the whole night. When I finally slept, I dreamed of Jacob's lovely dark eyes looking at me as he used to do. Full of love.

The girls were chatting and laughing excitedly while I ate an insipid cereal that was making my stomach ache. My throat was burning with thirst and I got worried. Last night events had taken a lot of my energy and I needed blood again, despite having hunted only two days before. I tried my best to disguise my lack of enthusiasm but they weren't really interested in my bad mood, planning every hour of that day.

"I'm glad that you didn't say anything to Laurie. It would be very awkward if we spent the day together after you both have a fight." Beck said when Anna and Laurie excused themselves to the bathroom.

"To be honest, I don't know what I should do. I still want to take this time away from my family and think about everything that's wrong in my life and I don't want to waste my time fighting with Laurie. I know that I will have to do something soon and I'm worried about this but I'm relieved to know about some things, you know?" I answered sincerely.

"I can imagine. I never went through anything like that in my life so I can't help you much but if you need to talk about it, I'm here, okay?" She smiled, pointing her head to the left, indicating that they were coming back.

"Okay. Thanks, Beck. You're a good friend." I smiled back, ending our conversation.

"Can we go? We can't get tan indoors, in case you don't know." Anna said playfully.

"You go. I'll go back to the hotel and call my parents. They must be worried sick." Of course I wouldn't call my parents but I needed an excuse to be alone for a quick hunting.

"Are you sure? They must be pissed with you." Laurie's voice was full of concern but it didn't reach her eyes. It was the first time I noticed that. Did she always look like that? Why hadn't I notice it before?

"Yeah, I'm sure. They would be glad I called, don't worry." I tried to smile. By the look on Beck's face I knew I wasn't doing a good job.

While they headed to the beach I did go toward the direction of the hotel for two reasons. First, if they looked at me for some reason it wouldn't look suspicious. Second, our hotel was right next to a dense wood that probably had some animal life. I knew it would be very unlikely that there were any big animals but maybe I will cross some monkey or something. I went very deep into the woods, paying extra attention to be far away from any trail so I wouldn't run into some hikers or the forest guard.

I managed to find a small jaguar that had a delicious and satisfying blood. It was an easy killing because it was sleeping. I kept hunting just to be sure. I never had slipped on my diet before but I had never tested my limits also and I wasn't up to any challenges at that moment. I smelled some canine ahead and went after it. It was a coyote. Two carnivores would be enough to feed me for days. The animal was fast and smart, sensing my presence and running. Its speed was nothing compared to mine but I enjoyed the exercise. Running helped me to clear my mind. Another trace I got from Jacob.

I ambushed the coyote near to two big trees and jumped on it at vampire speed, slapping its head and breaking its neck in a second. The wild animal probably didn't even suffer. My family always taught me how important was to inflict the least amount of pain possibly to our preys. Except for uncle Emmett and his bears but he didn't do it out of cruelty. He just liked to _'play with his food'_.

After I finished with my prey I decided that I should go back. I got lost in the hunting game and didn't pay attention to the time. It was almost noon. That was when I heard a ferocious snarl, a cracking sound and smelled something both familiar and unknown. The cracking sound seemed like a thunder but there weren't any clouds in the sky. Some kind of survival instinct took over me and I climbed a high three without really thinking about what I was doing.

A little ahead of the spot I was hunting there was a flat area, kind of like a place being prepared for construction. There was a digging machine and two tractors parked in the forest borderline but no humans in sight. In the middle of the flat area there was a fire that spread a purple smoke and the smell's source. Six vampires fighting each other, all of them sparkling heavily due to the sun light.

Well, actually there were four vampires, all males, attacking the other two, one male and one female. Right when I saw them, a tall one from the major group lunged at one of their opponents, climbing graciously on his shoulder and ripping his head off in one single and fluent movement, throwing it onto the fire, while the other three ran after the female.

At the same time a figure in a white dress appeared at my opposite side, getting out of the forest shadows. Her white dress in contrast with the deep green from the woods made her skin shine even more than the other vampires. She was a beautiful and small woman with brilliant dark hair that hung above her waist and an angelic face.

As soon as I saw the woman I ran out of there through the threes as fast as I could, understanding immediately and exactly what was happening. I had heard about this my whole life but I never imagined seeing that kind of cruel battle. A newborn battle.

My only thought was getting to the hotel. I needed to reach my cell phone and call my family. They would know what I had to do. I wasn't sure if someone had saw me because they were all so caught up in their combat that they probably hadn't notice my weird scent but I would feel more confident after talking with my dad and possibly Uncle Jasper.

I was terrified but I forced myself to keep running. Talking with my family and finding my friends quickly after that. That was my mission and I wouldn't think about anything else. I kept telling myself that and pushing my legs the harder I could. I had to get out of there as sooner as I could.

All because of that woman. A woman that I recognized instantly, even though I had never meet. A woman that used to give me nightmares when I was little. A woman that I pray to never see in my whole life. A woman that brought death wherever she went. A woman that had the wrong name because her name means a manifestation of the ultimate love for those that followed any Christian religion.

Maria.


	18. Death Sentence

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The distance to the hotel seemed endless but I was pretty sure that it had to do with the erratic sound of my heart beats. I was getting more worried at every step I took. I could follow my own scent easily and my senses were much less powerful than my family's so I kept thinking that I would be an easy target to someone as experienced as Maria. I was relying that those vampires were occupied enough with their own business to notice me but I couldn't be sure.

The worst part was having to act casually inside the hotel, pretending that I was just a carefree tourist waiting for the slowest elevator that ever existed when every passing second I was getting more anxious. When I finally reached my cell my hands were trembling so much that it was difficult to dial. Stupid international calls and their infinite area codes.

"Renesmee Carlie Cullen, you're grounded for eternity! I would personally be sure that you would never leave your bedroom as long as you live. Where are you?" Dad threatened me with his scaring velvet voice, answering the phone at the first ring. Well, I was expecting this.

"I'm so sorry, dad. I…" I started to explain but he cut me off as if he wasn't even listening.

"You're in a big trouble, missy. Do you know how worried we all are? You should thank Heaven because your mother is a vampire otherwise she would have had a heart attack." I could almost see his clenched teeth and his free hand smashing some of grandma's beautiful furniture.

"Dad, stop! Listen to me. It's important. I just ran into Maria and her newborns." I yelled, trying not to show how scared I was but I could hear the final words trembling.

"Where are you?" His tone changed immediately into a cold and composed politeness. I knew him all too well to understand that he was terrified.

"Cancún."

"Wait a minute." About two seconds later he spoke again. "Nessie, Jasper is here. I'll put you on the speaker."

"Uncle Jasper, I was hunting and saw Maria and some newborns fighting not far from here. I think that they didn't notice me but I'm scared. What should I do?"

"Are you absolutely sure that they didn't see you?" Uncle Jasper asked, his southern accent evident, indicating that he also was very nervous.

"I'm not sure."

"Don't panic. Just go to the airport and take the next plane home." Dad ordered.

"No. I can't do this, dad. Laurie, Anna and Beck are here with me and I don't know exactly where they are now. I had to separate from them so I could go hunting. I can't just leave them here." I reasoned with him.

"Nessie, they could have smelled you. They can track you." Dad's voice sounded supplicating.

"That's exactly why I have to find the girls. Imagine what can happen if they track my unusual scent to a hotel room where there are only three humans and no oddly smelling half vampire."

"Okay, Nessie. Here's what you're going to do. Find your friends and take them to the most crowdest place you can find and don't forget to take your cell phone with you. We're going to meet you there and bring you home safe. Just don't be in any empty places. Now, go and find your friends quickly." Uncle Jasper instructed me, assuming his military posture, something that I never saw before.

"I understand, Uncle Jasper. I'm gonna do this right now. Is mom there? I wanna tell her that I'm okay."

"Your mother isn't here, honey. She has a business meeting with Mr. Jenks but I'll call and tell her to meet us there. There's no time to wait for her to come back." Dad answered.

"Okay, dad. I'm gonna hang up now to save battery in case I need to talk to you again."

"You do that. Renesmee, I love you." Dad whispered.

"I love you too, dad. Bye." I shut the phone up, feeling my eyes burn.

I didn't allow the tears to come out, though. I needed to be strong and practical at that moment. The first thing that I had to do was find the girls. Putting my cell phone and money in a small cross-body bag, I went to search for them, thinking about what I could do to be among tons of people without making my friends suspicious. I got luck twice because they hadn't moved much from the spot I left them earlier and were too excited to remember that I was missing the whole morning.

"How was it, Ren? Did your parents get too mad at you?" Beck asked as soon as she saw me.

"No, not much. But I have some bad news, guys. They're coming to take us back home." I said, forcing my voice to sound disappointed.

"Wow, they'll come all the way down here just to take you home? Talk about overprotectiveness." Laurie mocked. Did her voice always sound that annoying?

"Actually, they're worried because they saw on the TV today that there has been a series of murders involving tourists here. They said that we should wait for them in a crowded area." I answered with the right amount of shock in my voice. At least that experience was serving to improve my lying skills.

"Murders? Here in Cancún? But I didn't hear anything about this. I always thought that this was a safe city." Anna murmured wide eyed, making me feel guilt for lying to them.

"I don't think they wanted to scare the population or the tourists." I made a scared face, improving my acting.

"Well, this is kind of handy. We were just waiting for your return so we can go to this festival that will start at 8:00 pm at the beach. It says here that there will be music and food so I guess that everyone will be there." Laurie said, handing me a flyer about a music festival.

It was perfect and I agreed eagerly. It was around 2:00 pm and I figured that as long as we kept the rest of the day under the sun nothing would happen to us because no cautious vampire would risk to be so openly exposed and Uncle Jasper always told us that Maria had succeeded in her wars because she could be very discrete. I was just worried about the time that we would have to go to the hotel to change our beach outfits for the night but kidnapping us from the hotel room wasn't the smartest way to hide their presence too so I thought that we would be safe there too.

Dad called me about half an hour after I found the girls saying that the family was already boarding and that they would take at least seven hours to arrive. I told them about my plan for protecting us and Uncle Jasper said that he was proud of me for managing the situation so well. I almost laughed at his remark because I was more scared than I ever was in my whole life. It made me feel proud and powerful, though, and I was grateful for having such a wonderful family.

That was when I felt ashamed about the way I acted before Jacob's disappearance. I wasn't being fair to my family, putting them through my tantrums and taking my frustrations out on them. I realized that I was pushing them away from me, pretending to be an annoying and rebel teenager that wasn't even my true self. I had been an idiot and my idiocy had put me and three fragile human girls in great danger. If something happened to them it would be my fault. I just hoped to be able to correspond to Uncle Jasper's faith in me and to keep them save until my family arrived.

About 8:30 pm we left the hotel and headed to the festival. It was certainly the best place for us. There were hundreds of people walking and dancing around the beach. Little groups of local musicians attracted and delighted the tourists that devoured typical foods that were displayed for the public in moving kiosks all along the walk way at the shore. If I wasn't so preoccupied with our safety I would have loved the colorful and cheerful event, laughing freely with my friends.

Beck was fascinated with a band of old aged musicians that were dressed in those mariachi outfits with enormous hats. They were having so much fun playing to a public that probably had third their age that it was impossible to not smile at them. The girls were dancing around them and soon enough a lot of guys came closer, flirting and dancing with them. I just noticed how big of a dancing group we became when I looked around to check on the perimeter. There was a massive crowd blocking my view to anything that wasn't smiling faces and dancing people.

That was when I smelled it the characteristic and frightening scent of vampire. I searched franticly the crowd, trying to find them but there were too many people in a much too small space to see everyone's faces. I went to take the girls out of there and an electrical shock ran through my body. Anna was caged in a tall man's embrace, smiling like she was hypnotized while Laurie was flipping her hair constantly in an attempt to seduce her companion and Beck was dancing animatedly with another tall man. They all wore sun glasses at night. They all were extremely beautiful and unnaturally pale. They all were vampires.

"If you want me to call my boys and command them to leave your deliciously smelling humans alone, I suggest you to come with me without a word." A female voice said too fast for human ears right behind my ear.

I turned slowly to face the monster I feared the whole day. Maria had the most beautiful smile and the face of a Botticelli angel. Everything about her was impressive and one could think that she was a manifestation of perfection if they didn't look at her eyes and saw all the cruelty of one hundred years of war.

"O-Okay." Was all I could manage to say.

"Good girl. ¡Niños, vámonos!" Maria commanded, still talking at vampire speed.

She took my arm firmly and walked out of the crowd smiling naturally as if we were just two friends taking a walk. I couldn't turn around to see if the vampires had left the girls behind as she said they would do but I was sure they did. Uncle Jasper said that not even the most fearless vampire in her band had the courage to defy her.

We went straight to the forest, edging away from the city lights at each step. Suddenly, I realized how little was my time with my family, how much I wanted to see them and tell every one of them particularly how much I love them. I wished I could have seen how much I loved Jacob and told him that. I wished I could have kissed him just one time. I wished to have more time. Because I knew that I was gonna die that day.


	19. Back in Time

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"No, he's not here. I hadn't seen him in a while." Billy said, looking at me with a serious face. The person on the other side of the line said something more but I didn't pay attention, trying to focus on the game that was playing on the TV. I didn't want to listen to anything at that moment. "Sure, I'll let you know. Don't worry so much. He's a big boy. He knows how to take care of himself." He said, still looking at me fiercely. The person said a few more words and Billy answered with a light voice. "All right. Take care. Bye." And he hung up. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, I'm sure. Thanks, dad." I said firmly.

"No problem." He said slowly, locking his eyes on mine for a long time, probably looking for some hesitation.

That was the quality I admired the most in my father. He didn't push. Even after all the bad decisions I had made in my life he still had enough respect for my privacy to let me be. I always thought that he acted like that out of fear of losing his children. When mom died my sisters had a hard time being in our house and they had left as soon as they could. Rachel came to visit often after leaving for college but Rebecca had a more difficult time on doing it because she lived in Hawaii and didn't have money for regular visits.

I arrived yesterday at dawn. I walked slowly from Seattle – as slowly as possible for a giant wolf, anyway – because I wasn't in any hurry to get to my destination. I knew my dad and my pack weren't worried about me because I had told Leah to warn them where I was. I knew that they hadn't told the Cullens that I was going home either because I specifically told them not to. Bella would probably call and want me to go back and I just couldn't explain to her why I wouldn't.

I was a mess, hurt beyond words. Leah kept phased the whole night, talking to me and making sure I didn't do anything reckless. She didn't say a word in that sense, of course, but I knew that she was just watching over me and I must admit that I felt good that she cared. It meant a lot in that moment because I never felt so rejected and unwanted in my whole life. Not even when I was fighting my useless battle to win Bella's love.

As stranger as it might sound, Leah didn't say a harsh word about Nessie or any of the Cullens. I thought that she finally had accepted what and who she was. She was still sad for losing the love of her life and for thinking that she was bare but she had gave up her bad attitude and started to act like the sweet girl we all knew before. I assumed she was trying to control her wolf and stop phasing. I had seen the thought in her mind a few times.

When I finally got home I took a long shower and just went to sleep, not even bothering to check on my dad. I had heard his cadenced breathe when I walked through the door and knew he was sound asleep. It was a really lonely feeling that one of going back home to no one. I was probably too accustomed to a crowded house where there was someone up all the time.

Mine and Sam's packs came to visit and check on me during the next days and I was grateful. They were just assured me that I belonged there, that I belonged with someone, I knew it and I also knew that they would do this with anyone but it made me feel good anyway. Sam was very worried with the pack's duties. He didn't want to bring the subject up but we had to talk about the truce. We decided that it would be the best solution to call the truce out and establishing the lines again. That would stop them from coming to look for me, avoiding some possible conflict.

Our first decision was giving back everything that the Cullens gave to us. I felt guilty about it at first because I knew they had donated a lot of things to the reservation, including books and computers to the public school but the council was adamant on the issue. It might sound harsh of them but, in a way, we were like a big pack. If some of us got hurt, everyone felt the pain. The elders thought that, if the Cullens thought I was a gold digger, they also thought that my people were taking advantage of their money. My tribe was made of proud men.

The Cullens called my dad constantly for a while but they gave up after two months or so. I had to give them credit for the effort. They kept looking for me even after Seth told Nes... (No, Renesmee, her name is Renesmee) that the truce was over and they weren't welcomed on our lands anymore. I was expecting that reaction from Esme or Bella and I was really surprised when I came back home to find my dad with a stupid smug smile on his face telling me that Rosalie had called. Wow, that was creepy.

Adjusting with my old life was hard in the beginning. The first month was Hell. The pain of Renesmee's absence was like nothing I could describe. It was just numbing. I took all patrolling shifts, running approximately twenty hours a day because I simple couldn't sleep and when I did it was only to have nightmares where Adam and Renesmee were having sex on an elegant king size red bed, laughing about me. I deliberately avoided sleeping back then.

Billy was worried, I could tell. He stared at me for long moments before sighing and leaving the room. Every once in a while he would complain that we were wasting food and he would have to invite Paul to dinner. It was his subdue way to tell me that he knew I wasn't eating. I couldn't help, though. Nothing had the same feeling to me, not even food. I felt like the world was suddenly covered with a mysterious grey fabric that turned everything insipid.

And time dragged on. Day after day passed through my window with me just laying on my bed staring at the ceiling. I didn't thing about Renesmee, though. I refused to do it. Remembering her was reserved for my uncontrollable tortured dreams. Leah and Seth just sat by my side and watched TV or ran patrols with me, waiting for the time I would be ready to talk. But I never was.

Quil and Embry were always involving me in their projects, only to distract me. But that was a good thing because they ended up finding a guy poor enough to trust his old Camaro in our hands to fix it. For the first time since I came back I felt useful. Fixing up cars was something that I could do, that I knew how to do, something that I could make right. I tried to avoid thinking that fixing up old wrecked vehicles was the very thing that made my life what it was.

Turns out that the guy – I really didn't know his name and didn't care a bit – liked our job so much that he brought a friend to fix his. When I came to realize, I had a mechanic garage with a few but regular clients which bought me a good amount of money. So I started to think about refunding all the money the Cullens had spent with us. The first check was the most difficult to send. I knew that it would hurt them if I did it and I had an internal debate that kept me awake for nights on end. In the end, Leah was the one that convinced me that I should do it.

"_Jake, I spent five years of my life feeling miserable for being hurt because I wasn't allowed to fight back. I couldn't yell at Emily or punch Sam because everyone was just so touched by their story and I was just the annoying ex that couldn't take a hint. I know how much this can destroy you and how hard is to forget when you can't voice your pain. You have the power to fight back, Jake. Yes, it would probably hurt them but maybe when you face them again you'll feel like their equal and it won't hurt so badly anymore_." She reasoned with me one night, when we were patrolling around the cliffs. I could see the stars through her mind and the sadness on her memories. It was heartbreaking.

"_I'll never see them again, Lee Lee. They're part of my past now. They can't come to the reservation and I don't intend to leave again. My life is much easier here._" I thought, feeling the pain of her absence getting heavier.

"_I thought that I would never forget Sam Uley. And you thought that you would never love someone other than Bella. But that changed too._" I could sense her smile.

"_Yes, it did._" Admitting that things could change only made me feel the imprinting cables squeezing my body more, begging me to return to her. '_Does that ever change?_' I thought to myself.

"_I'm going home now. See you later, Jake."_

"_Okay. Bye."_

I decided that it would be fair if we just returned things that wouldn't be essential to my people, like toys and similar things. The books and computers would stay and I would pay for them. The next day I sent the first check.


	20. Moving On

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

Whoever said that time heals everything must had been on some serious heavy drugs. Time was only getting me more and more depressed. Yes, I wasn't dying, I wasn't sick, I could eat and occasionally I even laughed with my friends. But I was far from healed.

My little business was prospering and Quil, Embry and I were seriously thinking about taking it out of my ridiculously tiny old garage and renting a bigger place to work. The guys took me to a place they thought would be perfect for us one day and _it really was the perfect place_. It was an old warehouse with a large open area that the owner restored, installing a small office in the back. Some minor arrangements and it would be done. We had already saved enough money to buy the things we would need but not for the expensive rent.

So I threw myself at work as a maniac workaholic, trying to raise the money for it. I wasn't really doing that out of ambition. I had too much more important reasons to do it than that. One of them was Quil and Embry. They were working hard by my side to make it work. They felt that our business was their way to a better life. We weren't the richest people in the world and we all knew how hard it could be trying to have regular jobs and careers while protecting our tribe as wolves. Embry had only his mother to count on and, even though he hadn't imprinted yet, he wanted to be able to provide for the family he was sure to have someday and Quil had Claire. She would be his wife in the future and they would have kids. He was working his ass off to send his non existent kids to college. My friends deserved to have their own profiting business.

My other reason was Renesmee. Working to the point of exhaustion was the only way I could find to think about something that wasn't her. Of course working that hard was something that made me happy, too. Sometimes when I was alone with Embry and Quil in the garage I felt like time hadn't passed and we were the kids that used to hang around and laugh of silly things. My happiness was precarious, though. There were things that I could easily do without paying too much attention, leaving my mind free to wonder in dangerous memories. That was why I always made sure to take the hardest and most complicated jobs.

But there was a side effect to my dedication. My friends and family thought that I was healing and moving on and they were delighted. I wasn't. I didn't want to move on. Moving on seemed like a horrible sin. I finally understood why Bella had suffered so much when Edward left, why she clutched so tightly to his memory. Forgetting was erasing the person from your life. I didn't want to forget. I knew it would be better and wiser if I just let go and started over but it was just too painful to do. Renesmee was a part of me. She was so pasted at a piece of my heart that I felt that it would stop beating if I tried to remove her. Unfortunately, that part made my whole body defective and I knew I would have to live the rest of my life broken. I would never work right again.

I wasn't lying when I told Leah that I didn't want to leave La Push anymore because my life was simpler there. La Push was home and at home I could be myself. I didn't have to pretend that I wasn't a twenty five year man. I didn't have to prove that I was worth to be friends with. I didn't have to hide the love I felt for my imprint or explain anyone why it hurt so bad to be away from her. The packs members knew very well what I was feeling. Most importantly, no one questioned my behavior. It was good to be understood.

"Jake, if you don't come out of this room and sit at this table right now I swear to everything holy that I will make Sam and Paul put your bed outside and burn it." Of course, understanding didn't make Billy less bossy over me.

"Paul and Sam? Why not Embry and Quil? They're here all the time." I chuckled, getting out of my bedroom and sitting at his side.

"Yeah, but they need you at work and you could easily blackmail them. Sam's a good kid and he would help me in whatever I needed and Paul would just be excited to destroy something of yours with you being unable to give pay back." He stretched his lips in that _I'm-so-smart_ smile that annoyed me at no end.

"Oh, I would pay back." I defied.

"Not if you want Rachel off your back." He laughed freely then.

"Oh, no. Rachel no." I faked despair, laughing with him. There was a knock on the door. "Hey, I did come out the bedroom. That's cheating."

"Is Charlie and Sue. I invited them to watch the game and the show, in case you didn't." Billy said, attending the door.

"Hi, Billy." Sue entered, kissing his cheek.

"Jacob? What are you doing here?" Charlie asked confused. He hadn't come to our place in a while so he didn't know that I wasn't just paying my dad a visit.

"Well, I live here." I answered carefree, avoiding the subject.

"No, you live in Seattle with Bella and her family now." He said slowly.

"Not anymore, Charlie. I decided that living outside my res wasn't for me and I came back."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that."

"I thought that you and Nessie were inseparable."

"She's a grown up girl now, Charlie. She doesn't need me anymore." I really tried to sound nonchalantly but I couldn't avoid the bitterness in my voice.

"I see. It's good to see you, kid." Typically, Charlie ended the conversation when emotions got in the way.

It was very awkward to keep them company after that but I forced myself to stay in the living room until the end of the game. It helped a little that I was so tired of working and dozed off a few times during the quietest moments, much to Billy's entertainment. I excused myself to the bedroom after the game, leaving them talking a little more but as soon as I got to my room all my asleep went through the window. That happened a lot over the months since I came home. I was seriously thinking about building another room for me. There were just too many memories in that one.

Giving up of rolling in the bed I turned on the computer and checked on my e-mail, deleting a lot of annoying spam. I smiled when I saw a message from Alissa. She was the only person that I stayed in contact with from Seattle. When I moved from the Cullens' house I erased my e-mail account and changed my cell phone number, cutting all forms of communication that could connect me with them. But after a while it became just unbearable not knowing what was happening to Renesmee. So I sent a message to Alissa from a new e-mail, asking her to not tell anyone. I knew that I could count on her to be discrete.

Through on line matters we kept our friendship alive. She was my only source of information about her and my only real confident. My pack was there for me but I couldn't bring myself to open up to them. I felt like a failed admitting to them that I was suffering because I managed to screw up my life even in my imprinting. I knew that Alissa was disappointed because I wasn't contacting her interested on having a romantic relationship but she was kind enough to resign to a sincere friendship. She told me about her audition for a TV show and I was happy for her.

She also kept me informed about _her_, saying that she looked sad and troubled but that she was still part of the evil cheer leader squad and dating Adam. No surprises there. I wasn't really expecting that she would miss me but that didn't make it any less hurtful. Maybe that was the main reason for sending those checks constantly. It was a sick way to keep in touch with my old family, to keep making me a part of their lives. I was a little shaken when I noticed the first check being paid. For some irrational reason I thought that they wouldn't touch that money. I got over that quickly, though. It was their money; they had all the rights to claim it.

I was pleasantly surprised with Alyssa's news. She got accepted on the TV show cast and would start shooting right away. She was so happy and excited that I regretted being so distant, wanting to properly congratulate her but I guessed that she was okay with that. She made me an odd request, though.

The show would have a preview party to introduce the actors, she needed an escort for it and she asked me if I could go with her. She said that her agent suggested that he could find someone to go with her but she was feeling very self-conscious and needed a friend there. Of course, I accepted. I didn't have to worry about consequences anymore and I thought that Alissa deserved to have a real friend in her first red carpet event. After all, what could possibly go wrong there? It was very unlikely that I would cross some vampire and morphed in a giant wolf. It would be fun, I was sure.

**A/N: I'm so happy, guys. Somebody nominated my story to Avant Garde FanFiction Awards. **** Isn't that incredible?**

**I want to say thank you for that. **

**Voting starts at November 20. **

**Please, vote for me. It would be my Christmas gift if I win at least one category. Link is on the profile.**


	21. New Life

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Jake, your fans are asking for you." Quil said at the office's door with a mocking expression.

"Ha-ha-ha. Very funny, Quil. Really, you should be a comedian." I answered, annoyed as hell.

"Man, I can't do anything. They said that you're the only one that can touch their car." He was clearly making an extra effort to not laugh and that only made me want to punch him even more.

"Tell them I'm not here, damn it." I yelled.

"Yeah, right. Because they didn't hear you screaming at me. I'm your partner, not your servant. Tell them yourself." Quil stormed out of the office really fuming.

I sighed, following him. It wasn't his fault. Since I made the stupid decision to pose for that underwear campaign our garage was invaded by crazy girls trying to get a piece of me and messing with my life even more. I just couldn't believe that. At first it was funny but after a while it became insane. And there was nothing I could do to get us rid of them. Believe me, I've tried everything. From being gently understandable to rudely impatient. Nothing made them understand that I was just interested in fixing their cars and earning money in an honest way.

The red carpet event I went with Alissa had transformed my life into a freaking Cinderella tale and I cursed my luck again because even when something good came to my life there was always some trick to it. She was really nervous that day and I wasn't sure what I could say or do to make her feel better. We were waiting for our time to cross the entrance of the theater when she freaked out.

"I can't do this, Jake. Look at that crowd. They'll know that I'm a fraud and they'll hate me." She said a little hysterically, pointing to a bunch of teenager girls screaming at the security line alongside with the red carpet.

"You're not a fraud. You're a beautiful, talented girl that it's here due to her hard work and they already love you. Don't you read the posts on your Facebook profile?" I said, smiling confidently.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes were wide and watering. A guy that was organizing the celebrities' entrance called us then.

"Of course I'm sure, honey. Now smile for them. They're here just waiting for this." I reassured her, putting an arm around her waist and taking her hand, kissing it. She smiled brightly then, waving to the public.

"I knew I had a good reason to ask you to come with me." She said, patting my shoulder and seemed to relax a bit.

The event was okay and we had a good time. I was a little overwhelmed by all the paparazzi and splendor of it but everyone was nice to me and Alissa and she was really happy. At some point in the night she introduced me to a co-worker, a funny and friendly guy with an odd Latin accent, dark eyes and hair. He had brought his mother and made sure to introduce her to Alissa, making her blush with delight. I smiled happily. My shy and sweet friend already had a good admirer.

The girls were waiting just outside the office. Two fake blondes, wearing dangerously short skirts and giggling like twelve year olds. I switched to my professional mode and politely took notes of the problem on their car, scheduling delivering it ready two days ahead. They seemed very disappointed with my short answers to their silly questions and a little offended when I refused to join them for lunch, affirming that I needed to start working quickly if they wanted the car ready on time. Luckily for me, those two weren't as persistent as some of the girls that had came here in the last month.

One of the million photos the paparazzi took from me and Alissa that night was published in a gossip magazine the next day and the rest is history. They managed to register the exact moment I kissed Alissa´s hand and all that the gossip journalists wanted to know was who was the _'hot Native American guy'_ – their words, not mine – that was dating her. Alissa told them that we were just friends from High School but they didn't believe her.

A few days later, a guy in a grey suit, Harrison Lucas, stopped by the garage saying that he was an agent and he wanted to hire me for an underwear campaign for a big clothing company. I was astonished and confused. Of course, I refused right away, a reflex from all the years I spent trying to remain inconspicuous, but he didn't seem disturbed by it. He just left his card with me and told me to think about it, revealing how much they would pay me if I accepted. I got to tell you, I had never thought that someone could earn that amount of money in just one photo shoot.

I would be able to cover at least six months of rent in the building we wanted and save some money for myself, besides buying a new electrical chair for Billy that I saw on the Internet. After talking with Quil, Embry, my father and the council I accepted the contract. It was something too good to deny. I had a little difficulty with the shooting because I never modeled before but the photographer and his team were good professionals and they took the best of me. In a way, it was a liberating experience and I was glad to do it.

Plus, everyone wanted to get their cars fixed by us after that and our business reached a whole new level. People started to come looking for us to personalize their cars which meant a lot more money. I had become a bit of a celebrity myself. Harrison wanted to book me as one of his clients but I refused, thanking him for everything he did for me. He was disappointed but I said that I would fix his cars for free for ten years and he laughed. He was a good man. The side effect of it was _'my fans'_. Girls from everywhere started to show up to 'fix their cars' and harass me. Some of them even harassed Embry and Quil, much to Claire's annoyance – the girl was nine and already had a major crush on him – and Leah's amusement. Embry's mom started to escort him home every night after work. It was hilarious.

Time flew by me and I was happy for that. My life had changed a lot and I was thankfully extremely busy. I almost didn't have time to think about Renesmee anymore. Almost. She was still in the back of my head every step I took. Part of the reason for accepting the underwear campaign was to show her that I was doing well. It was selfish and petty but I couldn't help but think that she would see the pictures and regret ditching me for that douchebag. I felt like garbage every time I thought that.

It was twilight and I had already closed the garage when I heard Seth howling like he was being chased by a newborn army, seconded by Brady. I phased immediately.

"What happened?" I asked frantically.

"Jake, you have to come quickly. There's a vampire trying to trespass the treaty line here." He said in a hurry.

He turned his head to the vampire and growled, menacingly. But she had already outran them, heading straight to my garage. It always amazed me how gracious and fluidly her body moved. It was beautiful and sad at the same time because I couldn't avoid remembering how clumsy she used to be. Seth tried to jump on her back but she just turned to her left and he flew past her, landing directly over a big tree, breaking it in half. Brady threw his immense body in her right side, rolling with her for approximately a mile before they stopped but he managed to pin her to the ground in the process. She didn't try to fight or push him off her.

"Are you really going to kill me, Brady? I hope Jacob is phased and seeing all this." Bella said in her most sweet voice.

**A/N: I want to thank you all for the encouraging reviews I got, especially Pattyheartcake. Your reviews make my day. **

**I started a blog, The Readers Little Corner, with the purpose of reviewing and recommending good stories to the readers and I want to invite all of you to leave a review to a story you like there. I'm really excited about it. Please, go check on it and join me. Link is on profile. **

**And don't forget to vote for me on the Avant Garde FanFiction Awards. The voting starts at November 20. Link is also on profile. **

**Kisses. **


	22. Mother Bella

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

"Are you an idiot? Care to explain me how you would tell your mother's husband why did you kill his daughter?" I yelled, furious.

"I wasn't gonna kill her. I just wanted to scare her and guard the border. It's our job," Seth yelled back.

"I know what our job is. And you're still an idiot," I was screaming out of frustration because I knew Seth was only doing what he was supposed to and I knew that whole situation was ludicrous.

"I'm only seeing one idiot here and he's not Seth," Bella interfered in an amused voice.

"What do you want here, anyway? I think we made very clear that the line is back on. You're trespassing therefore you're asking for war," I yelled with her. I had to. I couldn't just punch her as I was about to do with Seth. She was a woman.

"Don't yell at me, Jacob Black. I came here to talk some sense into your thick head. If I have to kick some wolves' asses in the process, so be it," she said, sternly, her hands on her hips and her foot tapping the ground. I never saw Bella looking more like a mother.

"Bells, there's nothing else to say," I murmured, sighing.

"Well, I can think about one or two things to say. The first would be _'get out, both of you'_ …" she pointed the door with his chin to Seth and Brady. "…and the second would be _'sit down and listen, your idiot_', but it's not an obligatory order."

"Bella, you know you can't be here…" Seth started to say, but I cut him off.

"It's okay, Seth. We knew that I would have to do this some day. You can go. I'll escort her to the border when we finish it," I ordered, surrendering.

"Okay, then. Hey, Bells, can you keep this between us? You know, Charlie would be pissed, mom would be mad…" Seth asked looking a lot like a boy caught stealing cookies from the kitchen.

"Don't worry, my lips are sealed," she answered, smiling.

"Okay. Bye, guys," he yelled from the door, before getting out.

Bella waited until the guys were out of hearing rage, walking around the garage. I ordered Seth and Brady to bring her back here. It didn't make any sense to try and hide of her again. If she was risking trespassing the border, I was sure she knew I was there.

"How did you found me?" I asked just to start the conversation.

"Oh, you would be surprised with the amount of resources a friend of mine have. Remember when I made yours and Nessie's fake ID's?" I nodded. "I still have a close relationship with the guy that made them for me," she said, mysteriously. For the first time in my life, I saw vampire Bella. It wasn't a pretty picture.

"Did you put someone to track me down?" I asked, shocked.

"Well, you weren't anywhere to be found and we couldn't come here because of your stupid treat…" she said, simply, shrugging.

"I thought that I made clear that I didn't want to be found," I retorted, bitterly.

"I don't care what you want or don't want. My baby girl is suffering and I'll do anything to make it stop," she answered, sternly.

"What? What you mean, suffering? What happened? Bella, I left her with you. You're her super powerful mother, damn it. You're supposed to take care of her," I said, alarmed. _'This can't be happening. She can't be harmed.'_ I thought, desperate, feeling the imprinting cables tightening around my body and squeezing my heart merciless.

"What happened? You left, your dumb dog," she responded, angrily, her hands over her hips.

"Yes, I left. She was safe with her immortal vampire family. I thought that nothing bad could happen to her while she was with you," I accused, panting with despair. _'What happened to my Nessie?'_

"Nothing happened with her physically. She's as healthy as ever, despite the fact that she hadn't eat much since you left," she said, sighing as if she was tired.

"Then what is this all about? And why she's not eating?" I asked, feeling a little calmer.

"She misses you, Jake. We all do. Even Rosalie. Although I think she rather face the Volturi than admitting it," she replied, smiling a bit.

"No, she doesn't," I murmured, looking down and letting the hole of her absence that control over me.

"Oh, yes, she does. In fact, all she does since you left is missing you. You're hurting my baby, Jake, and I want to kick your ass because of this," she retorted, putting her finger over my face, menacingly.

"Bells, Nessie didn't want me there. She chose Adam. She wasn't even looking at me like a friend those last days," I yelled, throwing my hands in the air, astonished and frustrated.

"She didn't choose him. She broke up with him. She's so lost without you, Jake. Please, forget about this whole nonsense and come back home. She needs you," Bella pleaded, a hint of sadness in her golden innocent eyes.

"She broke up with Adam?" I babbled, marveled with the news. My heart did a little jump with joy, but I repressed it. I couldn't allow me to have hope anymore. I knew better.

"Well, technically, he broke up with her, but then she realized that she never loved him," she explained, quietly. "I thought that you knew. He's on every gossip magazine accompanied with a blonde girl."

"I never was one to read those things. My dislike for it got worst after they started to talk about me," I replied, distracted. I was trying really hard to contain my foolish heart.

"Oh, right! You'll have to tell me all about your modeling career," she said, smiling wickedly. I had seen that same expression on every one of my friends before.

"Cut it off, Swan. You don't know what happened," I menaced.

"Yeah, but I'll have a great time finding out. Emmett will love it, I'm sure of it," she teased.

"Bells, you don't know everything. Nessie thinks I'm just one of Esme's charity projects. She never saw me as an equal," I snorted, resuming the subject, although I didn't want to talk about it. It still hurt.

"She doesn't think that. That Adam kid was the one that said those ridiculous things. Besides, even if she did thought that, now she knows the truth."

"What do you mean, she knows the truth," I asked, gulping a huge amount of air, preparing myself for the awful truth.

"We told her about the imprinting," she stated.

"What? Why, Bells?" I asked, defeated.

"Because she has a right to know, and we hadn't a say about it. Rosalie told her all of the sudden during an argument. She knows everything now. And she's desperate, Jake. She things that it's broken," she responded in an urgent tone.

"What's broken?" I asked, confused.

"The imprinting, Jake. She thinks that you don't love her anymore," she said, sadly.

"Bells…" I started to say, but she cut me off.

"She loves you," she stated again, firmly.

"If she did, she wouldn't treat me like she did," I argued, feeling the cables squeezing my heart harder. It was so painful to even think about it.

"She was wrong, I admit it. But she learned, Jake. She wants so desperately to apologize with you. Plus, it's our fault."

"What you mean?"

"We were so lost when she had born, Jake. Nobody really knew how to raise her, what we could or couldn't say to her. We were so worried about her that we forgot the basics. We forgot to be honest with her. We were so preoccupied with letting her grow up as much normal as she could, with letting her have options that we forgot to give her those options," she explained, sweetly, confusing me.

"I don't understand," I said, honestly.

"You wanted so much that she choose you for herself that you forgot to let her know that she was allowed to choose you. You didn't make yourself an option for her, Jake. She never thought she could have you. It's simple like this," she replied in a soothing tone, looking a lot like the Bella I knew from the time she used to come hang out in my house when we were only teenagers.

She was right. I never saw it that way, but she was absolutely right. I never let Nessie know about my feelings for her, fearing to scare her or to put pressure on her to accept me as her mate. I was so occupied trying to not be a burden that I forgot to tell her how much she meant to me. I never gave her the option, plain and simple. I felt so stupid.

And I felt a flame of hope starting to light up inside my chest. 'Is it possible? Is it true that she missed me? As much as I missed her? Could she… love me?' A smile started stretching on my face to those thoughts. For the first time in six months, I felt alive. Everything I thought that was ruined could be fixed if I had the opportunity to see my Nessie again. The squeezing sensation on my heart suddenly vanished and I breathe freely, only then noticing that I hadn't breath properly in six months. I was gonna see my Sun again. I felt ecstatic.

"You're right, Bells. I hadn't…" Her cell phone rang in the middle of my phrase. She held a finger up in front of me, asking for a moment and I stopped talking.

"Hi, love. I found him," she said, happily. I knew it was Edward just by hearing her voice tone. She didn't speak with anybody else in that tone. He said something so fast and low that I couldn't hear it. "When did she leave?" he answered and I couldn't hear it again, but I was getting anxious. I knew they were talking about Nessie. "Maria?" Bella said, suddenly, and I could swear that she became even paler than normal. "Edward, what we're going to do?" he replied again and she nodded. "Okay, call the airport. I'll bring Jake with me. Love you," she said, rapidly, and I panicked. Bella never was rapid when Edward was involved.

"What happened?" I questioned worried sick.

"Jake, we have to go quickly. Nessie ran away with her friends and she ran into Maria," she commanded, pulling me by my arm to the garage's exit.

"Maria, like in Jasper's psycho ex-girlfriend Maria?" I whispered, too afraid to speak out loud.

"That's the one," she responded, before running toward the airport.

I just followed her. I would call Billy at the airport.

**A/N: Hey, guys. The Avant Garde FanFiction vote session had started and "Without the Sun" was nominated. Please, please, please, vote for me. The link is on my profile. **

**Oh, and don't forget to check on The Readers' Little Corner review of the week. The links is also on my profile. **

**Thanks. **


	23. Please read

Hey, guys.

I know you're disappointed because this isn't a new chapter, and I apologize, but I really need to talk to you all.

When I started writing "Without the Sun" I had the whole story in my head. Of course, it had a happy ending.

But, as the story developed, a new scenario started to play on my mind and now I'm stuck with two ends. One is not so happy. Those that already read my other stories know that I have a tendency to angst.

I had some responses about the matter, but I'm still not convinced.

So I want your opinion. It's really important to me.

Should I:

1 – Forget about the angst thing and just give you a happy ending;

2 – Post the angst ending, because there's enough happy endings around FF or

3 – Post both endings and let people decide which one they like more.

Please, review and tell me what you want, because I can't seem to decide for myself.


	24. Rescue Mission

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The plane landed in an enervating slow speed. I knew we were doing the right thing flying down there, but I couldn't help myself. I was in the verge of ripping my clothes off and changing right there in front of everybody. The only thing keeping me down was Bella's hand squeezing my knee every five minutes.

When the doors finally opened, I put my hand on my pants right pocket, just to check if the Nessie's promise bracelet was still there. I knew that it was very unlikely that I would lose it, but I felt more at easy touching it. I needed it with me. I wanted to have it with me, so I could return it to her. Feeling its soft ropes I remembered what happened when Bella found out that I had it.

She turned to follow me out of the office when something caught her eye. She approached my desk, and picked it up with a puzzled expression.

"Jake, what's this?" she asked, sternly.

"Huh? You know what it is. The promise bracelet I gave to Nessie when she was a baby," I said, distracted. _Why is she worrying about it? We have to get Nessie!_

"And why on Earth is it here with you? Do you know how much my daughter looked after it? She cried for days because she couldn't find it. She thought that you would hate her because she lost it. Why did you take it?" Bella demanded, angrily.

"She cried for the bracelet?" I repeated, incredulously.

"So much that Carlisle had to sedate her, your idiot," she accused in a menacing tone. Frankly, she looked a little scary.

"I-I didn't know, Bells. I thought that she didn't care for it anymore, the same way she didn't care for me. It was the only thing that really belonged to me in your house. It didn't make sense to leave it there, since it would never fulfill its promise," I tried to explain and her face softened instantly.

"Oh, Jake, it's not my house, it's our house. You should know this by now. Why would you think she didn't care? Did you have so little faith in yourself? In Nessie's love?" she questioned, sadly.

"I'm sorry, Bells. I had no idea that taking it with me would make her suffer. It was a stupid thing. I thought that taking it with me would give me a little dignity. I was so hurt, I wasn't thinking," I affirmed, letting out a deep sigh. I never meant to make my Nessie suffer.

"Every one of us was very hurt with this whole mess, Jake. Come on, let's fix this. Take it with you. I'm sure she'll be very happy to have it back," she said, smiling sweetly, being the Bella I knew and loved.

The flight attendant wished us a good stay, calling me back from my reminiscences. I knew we had to behave and keep a low profile while around humans, but my heart was beating so fast that I would have a coronary if I was only human. Thankfully, it was night already when we arrived, so Bella wouldn't have to hide in the shadows and we would be able to look for Nessie.

Bella had spoken with Edward right after we embarked on the plane, and they decided that we should try to find her as soon as we landed. Our plane had been taxed; therefore, we would land sooner than the rest of the family. No one wanted to waste any time finding Nessie and her friends, so they agreed to split up in the first moments. Edward would call when they arrived. They would land less than a half hour after us.

The city was very crowded, like every city with a high level of tourist activity. It would be almost impossible to find Nessie's scent without a guiding point, so we went to the hotel where they were staying. On our way, I noticed that there was some kind of local festivity going on. Musicians and dancers were all around the place. Someone handed me a flyer that said that the festival would take place on the beach, informing the directions. I didn't know why I took the time to read it, but I thought that any information could be good for us.

When we got to the hotel, Edward called, letting us know that they were at the airport. He said that Jasper instructed Nessie to be in a populated area. Bella and I caught the girls scent easily, and sure enough it leaded us to the beach were the festival was.

There was only one problem: the crowd. There were people everywhere dancing around small groups of musicians, walking up and down the shore, chatting, and buying food or local handcrafts at the little kiosks set along the beach.

I could still detect the girls scent lingering in the area, but it was too mixed with the other humans. Finding them wouldn't be so easy. We walked around, trying to follow their faint trace. There was a large group of people hearing to a group of old mariachis a few yards ahead of us, and their scent lead us there. It was a good thing being so tall because I could look at people's faces with a little difficulty. After searching a little, I recognized Laurie among the crowd, and I felt instantly relieved.

"Bella, there," I pointed, animatedly.

Then, it hit me. The sickening sweet scent of vampire. Not Bella's scent, I was so used to it that it didn't bother me anymore. It was from another one. Not only one, but four. The scent was really strong, and recent. I must have been really distracted looking for Nessie to not notice. I panicked, knowing what that scent could possibly mean.

"Laurie!" Bella called, and the hideous brunette turned to look at her.

"Bella! You guys are already here," she said, sounding disappointed.

"We came to pick you up. Where's Nessie?" my friend asked, urgently.

"Oh, don't worry. She's around… somewhere…" Laurie responded, slowly, turning her head right and left, obviously looking for Nessie.

"You mean you don't know where she is?" the vampire shouted, calling the attention of some of the tourist. They looked at us with worried expressions, probably fearing some fight.

"Would you relax? You sound like you were her mother. She was right here five minutes ago. She must have gone to the bathroom or something," the cheer leader answered, nonchalantly. Bella looked like she could kill the girl.

While they debated, I was trying to find Nessie's trace, and took a little distance from them. As soon as I left the circle of people around the mariachis, I smelled Nessie's scent mixed with the vampires. The trace leaded to the forest nearby.

"Bella, I found the trace. Let's go," I shouted, not turning around to certify that she was following me. I knew she would do.

We ran after the scent at the highest speed we could with the crowd around. I phased to my wolf form as soon as we hit the forest border. Bella called the Cullens, and gave them our direction. She told me that they were five minutes behind us tops. I was relieved to know that we wouldn't have to face whatever was ahead of us alone.

The forest was dense. It would be very difficult to find anything there if we didn't have supernatural senses. We ran through it for a few yards before we could catch them. Finally, they came to our sight range. I saw a brunette vampire female leaning over Nessie while three males watched them. I was sure that was the infamous Maria.

"This will teach him to never step a foot over my territory again," Maria said, harshly. And then she bit Nessie's neck to suck her blood.

I didn't think about fighting strategies or caution. All I could think about was taking that creature off Nessie because it'll kill her. I just jumped on her, throwing her over a large tree, scaring the vampires enough to make them release Nessie.

Unfortunately, we were outnumbered, and the surprise element wasn't enough to grant us some advantage. Within seconds there were two of them jumping on me. One managed to lock my front paws, while the other threw powerful punches on me everywhere he could reach. I couldn't see Bella, but I heard the sounds of her fighting the other two. Above of the noises were Nessie's screams of pain, and I knew that the venom was spreading through her system.

I thrashed under the vampire's embrace, and freed myself, turning around and ripping one of his arms off with my claws. The other one jumped on my back, and buried his teeth on my shoulder, injecting venom on my body. The burning pain that the bite produced made me fall to the ground, howling.

At the same moment, Emmett and Edward appeared in front of us. Emmett tackled the armless vampire to the ground, and finished the job I initiated. Edward threw himself on the vampire that was on my back, and the two of them started a colossal fight. I vaguely saw Alice running to Bella, and Jasper running after Maria.

I averted my attention to where Nessie was, not very far from me. Her thin body was convulsing violently, and she was extremely pale. I dragged myself to her, ignoring the excruciating pain I was feeling, and touching her arm, bending over her. She was freezing.

When she felt my touch, she fought to open her eyes, and focused them on me. A shadow of a smile stretched her beautiful discolored lips. She lifted her arm, palms up, in a clear attempt to touch my cheek. I lowered my body to her, panting due to the pain. It was odd that I wanted to see whatever she was trying to show me, but I thought that it was a long time since she showed me something, and that if it was that important to her, I should enjoy it. Probably, would be the last time I did it.

When her skin touched mine, I was assaulted by a myriad of emotions. Sadness, longing, need. I saw how much she had missed me, how much she wanted for everything to go back to how it was before I left, how much she loved me. And I saw the sorrow. For everything, including her trip to Mexico.

But, above all else, I saw happiness. Pure happiness. All that she wanted was to see me again. All that she wanted was the chance to fix things. And then – two simple words, overflowed with happiness.

'_You came,'_ she transmitted to me through her power, before fainting.

Her body started to shake, and she became even colder. The venom spreading through my body was starting to take my limbs, and I felt my left arm becoming rigid. I knew my end was close, but I could still save her. I knew she needed to stay warm long enough for Carlisle find us. I could keep her warm. Even after dead, the human body takes a little while to cool down entirely.

In a last effort, I took her in my arms, clutching her against my chest, and let my body collapse on the ground, making sure to embrace her before everything went blank.

**A/N: Hello, again. I just wanted to thank you all that gave me your opinion about the end of the story. **

**I never got so many reviews and I finally saw that this story has, indeed, some fans. I'm so happy. Thank you so much, guys. It really helped me to decide. **

**The Avant Garde FanFiction vote session is still on. Please, vote for my story. The link is on my profile. **

**Did you saw the weekly review on The Readers' Little Corner? No? Well, you should. It talks about a very good story. The links is also on my profile. **

**Thanks. **


	25. Black Marble

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

The gentle wind blew a lovely flowered scent around me. My unbeaten heart always sang to that delicate aroma. It was appropriate.

I loved to visit them on spring. The place looked glorious with the beautiful cacophony of colors from the wild flowers. The air always smelled like happiness that time of the year. Perhaps that was one of the reasons that made Edward and Bella bury them here.

The other one was that it was their meadow. The very place where Edward told Bella everything about us. They saw that place as the one where their love really grew. Again, it was appropriate.

My beloved Alice and I bent on our knees in front of their graves, made of a shining black marble. There were simple words encrypted on each one of them. Just their names and the date of their deaths. Edward told me that he and Bella decided to not write anything else on it because no ordinary phrase could describe what both of them meant for them. For all of us.

He also told me that the black marble was a symbol. They felt that it was a way to make them equal. Both of them would be 'Black'. It was their way to give their daughter the matrimony she never had. Tears would be rolling down my cheeks if I could cry when I heard that.

Billy Black was very grateful for their gesture.

We made a ritual to come to visit them every year. We had brought little presents for them. After all, it was the tenth anniversary of their deaths.

Alice put the bouquets of freesias we bought them leaning on the marble stones. It really made the graves even prettier. Their places were impeccably clean, free of weeds and shining like new. I knew Esme, accompanied with Carlisle, constantly came to check on them, too. She must be the one taking care of it.

Rosalie and Emmett never came. It might seem insensibility, but I knew better. I felt what they felt. It just hurt too much.

Edward and Bella came every week for five years. We were very worried about them. It wasn't healthy. One day, they simply communicated to us that they wouldn't visit the graves anymore. It was too painful, and useless. Nothing would give them back to us. It was time to move on.

I was very shocked with their decision. Renesmee was their everything. She was the living proof of their love, and I doubted that there was a most loved child in the world. Equally, maybe, but definitely no more. Feeling what they felt helped me to understand a little, though.

Every time they saw the unmoving stones planted on the meadow ground, their hearts died a little. Going back there every week was slowly killing both of them. If they continue doing that, they would end up insane.

And Jacob and Renesmee didn't deserve that. They deserved to be remembered with joy and pride. They deserved to have Edward and Bella loving each other for eternity, like they probably were doing on heaven.

It didn't matter to me that Edward believed that our souls were doomed. I knew deep in my heart that they wouldn't be in another place but heaven. Both of them were too pure.

Alice kissed Nessie's grave, and I felt an unbelievable amount of guilt. Again.

It was all my fault. If it wasn't for me this would never had happened. I was the one that brought my violent past to the family. I was the cause of Maria's wrath.

She had heard about my new life, my new _coven_. She knew about Nessie. She had heard about the confrontation with the Volturi. And she deduced that my _coven_ was seeking power. She didn't know that we weren't a _coven_, but a _family_. She had thought that we were trying to invade her territory, that we had sent the _hybrid_ to spy on her because she wouldn't suspect of Nessie.

She had thought all of that because I was involved. There was no other conclusion to make after the many years I had spent in her company. In her eyes, I was a monster hungry for power, reuniting powerful vampires, and creating aberrations to confound my enemies. Everything would be different if I wasn't around.

I remember that day like with was yesterday, thanks to my vampire developed mind. We had found Bella and Jacob in a clearing next to a crowded village. Bella had called Edward, and instructed him about where to go. It was easy to follow their scent once we located the forest.

When we arrived, the battle had already started. Renesmee was screaming and thrashing in pain on the ground, and Jacob was being severely beaten by two male vampires. Bella was fighting another one.

Emmett didn't waste any time, throwing himself on the vampires beating Jacob, followed by Edward. Alice and Rosalie went to help Bella, while Carlisle ran to Nessie.

Maria saw us, and ran away as soon as we approached them, but I didn't let go. It was time to finish our story. She had messed with something way too precious to me. I ran after her, catching her easily, the years of pacific existence hadn't diminished my soldier abilities.

While we fought, she told me with details how she had bitten Nessie, just to take revenge on me. I saw red, and jumped on her with a hot hatred that scared even myself. As a soldier I was told to see things objectively. I didn't recognize myself in that battle. All I could think about was destroying the creature that had harmed my niece. Maria's end was quick and messy, body parts flying everywhere.

After setting her body on fire, I returned to my family, only to find Edward sucking on Jacob's shoulder, attempting to take the venom of a bit out of his system, and Nessie unconscious, coldly laying on the ground.

We sent Nessie's friends back to their homes with regular air tickets, taking Nessie and Jacob back to Seattle with us in a taxed plane. The air company never asked any questions about our two sick companions. It always amazed me what a couple of million dollars could do. Humans were very uninterested when there was money involved.

Edward and Carlisle had tried to revert the venom effects on both of them, but in Jacob's case it was too late. Vampire venom is poisoning to werewolves, and even the little amount that circulated in Jacob's body before Edward took all out had slowly killed him. We couldn't do anything, but watch as a family member withered away.

Nessie resisted a little more strongly to the venom on her system, maybe because part of her was made of it. According to Carlisle, her body was rejecting that foreign venom, though. Her body was fighting the substance, but it was a cruel battle.

Jacob died two days later. As soon as he was gone, Nessie's vitals started to faint, as if she had known that her soul mate wasn't by her side anymore. She lasted only one more day.

That was the saddest day of all our lives.

"It's not your fault, Jazz. We've talked about this," Alice affirmed, sweetly, bringing me back from my memories, and taking my hand gently, placing it above her immovable heart.

I was so concentrated in my grief that I forgot to control my own emotion, transmitting it to her. I did it a lot when I was in the meadow. It wasn't a surprise for Alice to know what I was feeling, though. She could tell when I was feeling miserable about my beloveds' death even when I was in control of my power. That was how we were.

"I don't feel like that, Alice. I can't seem to find in me to forgive myself," I responded, quietly.

Edward and Bella had, though. Bella said, serenely, that I was being absurd, that their deaths had nothing to do with me. According to her, they would find another way to kill themselves. They just weren't supposed to be eternal like us. She called it faith.

She was being sincere, I knew it. But even her forgiveness couldn't change my mind. I would carry this guilt for the rest of my existence.

"You can start forgiving them," she said, pointing to the graves.

"What?" I whispered, confused.

"I know you don't understand why they weren't solving their problem. You never comprehended why they didn't simply admit their feelings for each other. Ultimately, that was what had killed them both. I think you can't forgive them for that," she explained.

"I'm sorry," I said, ashamed.

"You don't have to apologize to me, my love. I felt that, too. And so did Bella. But feeling angry won't bring them back. Eventually, we'll have to do what Edward and Bella did. We'll have to let go."

"I can't just abandon them, Alice. I can't just stop coming here like they do," I pleaded.

"You don't have to. Edward and Bella didn't abandon them, they just accept their deaths. Coming here was hurting them too much, though. They know that Esme and Carlisle will take care of the graves, and, one day, they'll have the strength to visit the graves again. Rosalie and Emmett will find it, too."

I thought about what she said for a long time. She was right, I was angry, only I didn't know that. And I had to let go. It was kind of liberating discovering what those strange feelings I had were. It was odd how a man that could manipulate people's feelings could have known so little about their own.

"Come. It's time to go home," Alice called, pulling me up gently.

I kissed Nessie's grave, and bend my head, saluting, to Jacob's, before getting up. It was time to go home. It was time to move on. To forgive and forget.

**The End. **

**A/N: I know. Don't kill me, okay? **

**After reading your reviews I decided to post both endings. I just posted the tragic one first to make you happier reading the other one. **

**I'm also afraid that people wouldn't read the tragic one if I posted the happy one first. I'll post the happy ending soon, okay? ;)**

**I wanna thank ****luv2beloved again for being so kind, and beta the story for me. You're the best. **

**Some people had asked me to make a sequel of this story, but I simply don't have a plot to continue it. Their request got me excited, though, and I started to work on a new story. **

**It's called "Lost Paradise", and it's an alternative ending to "Breaking Dawn". I'll be delighted if you guys read this one, too. And review, of course. **

**The Avant Garde FanFiction vote session is closed now. The first round winners will be announced at December, 11. Crossing fingers, everyone. ;) I want to thank all of you that took some time to vote for me, even if I don't win. **

**Don't forget to check on The Readers' Little Corner. You'll find great stories there. **

**Thanks. **


	26. Touched by an Angel

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.**

My body was burning with fever, and I was fighting to get out of a dragging dark unconsciousness. It seemed like I was swimming in a hot river of lava in the middle of a starless night. I lost count of the times that I felt a hint of awareness, only to be engulfed for the darkness again.

And I was still burning.

I couldn't open my eyes, but I felt my mouth opening a lot of times to let out my screams of agony. In the middle of the pulling mist of my delirious I could feel my body drenched in my own sweat.

I could distinguish faint noises around me, and sometimes I could swear they were voices, but I didn't understand the words. In fact, I couldn't recognize anything they were saying. I just knew those specific noises were voices.

And I was still burning.

Right after my mouth opened again to let another tortured scream out, something smooth touched my arm followed by a wet sensation on my cheek, and I was absolutely sure that I was being touched by an angel. Nothing less could explain the instant effect it had on me.

My convulsing body started to calm down, and even the fever seemed to cease a little. The angel's touch didn't leave my skin, though, and I concentrated on its soothing heavenly feeling. It was silky and colder than my fevered skin. I felt like literally touching clouds.

Then, the angel spoke. And it was a female. Her musical voice was delicate and lovingly, and my heart immediately responded to that wonderful sound, slowing its erratic beatings. I couldn't understand her words, but I wanted nothing more than to continue to hear that beautiful sound. It was like the sound that God sent to make me stay alive.

Suddenly, bright colors started to take over the darkness. Random images filled the void of my troubled mind with beauty. The profound blue of La Push's ocean, the calming green of the forest surrounding my home, and even the yellowish mist that the rare sunlight cast over the shore. Those colors were so vivid and happy that I felt my body relaxing, and I was able to drift off to a restful sleep.

I continued seeing images, but I couldn't tell if I was dreaming or not. The only thing I knew for sure was that my angel was still beside me, caressing my face, running her delicate fingers through my hair, speaking disconnected encouraging words, only to make me feel better. Once, I could swear that my angel kissed my cheek and my hands.

After a while, the images changed from the familiar views of my home to the people that I loved. Billy seating by a bonfire, telling old legends to the young members of our tribe. Emily baking her delicious muffins. Embry and Quill fighting over some meaningless issue. Leah complaining about night shifts. Rachel, Sam, Sue, Seth, Charlie, Paul. All of them. Over and over. It was powerful and beautiful, and made me want to cry. That time I wouldn't be crying of pain, though.

The Cullens were there, too. Rosalie slapping Emmett's head for some silly thing he had said. Edward pretending to be a tough daddy, lecturing Nessie, only to be exposed on his trick by Bella's laugh. Esme fixing Carlisle's tie. Alice running after me with a fancy pair of jeans in her hands, and with a determined expression on her face. Jasper playing chest with himself, humming contently some ancient song.

And Nessie. Always Nessie.

She was the one that held me to this Earth. She was the one that made me want to live forever. She was the one that made me breathe. She was the one I loved. Her image alone made the fever go away, and made my body stop sweating. Her image alone had cured me from whatever illness I had before.

But then I realized something odd. I was seeing those images in a funny way. It was like a third person vision. Every memory was a little distorted, not exactly like the ones I had in my mind. It was the same images, but they seemed to be taken from another perspective. And when I saw myself it wasn't like I was looking in a mirror. I was really seeing me. And I loved that image.

It took me a while to understand what was happening. Those memories weren't mine. There were Nessie's.

I opened my eyes quickly, sitting up. There was a shining white light right above my eyes, clouding my vision. The room spinned for two seconds, and I felt very dizzy. My body felt heavy, like I just had lifted an elephant.

"Easy. You'll hurt yourself. Lie down again. Are you thirsty?" Nessie asked me, worried.

'_Nessie? Nessie!'_ "Nessie?" I asked, quietly, not wanting to believe my ears.

"Yes, it's me," she whispered.

"What happened?" I questioned, confused.

"You don't remember?" she asked me back.

"I remember finding you in the woods, and that filthy bloodsucker biting you. Wait! He bit you. Are you okay? Did you change? Where are we? Where are those bloodsuckers?" I asked, frantically.

"Jake, please, calm down. You're still healing. You have to be careful. I can't go through that again," she pleaded, pushing me back to the bed, and I saw tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"What happened, Nessie?" I asked again, letting her lie me down, and taking her silky hand on mine. _'Oh, how I had missed her sweet touch.'_

"Don't worry about the vampires, my family took care of them. We're home, Jake, actually home. We're at our house in Forks. You were bitten. You almost died. Thank God, dad acted quickly, and sucked the venom out of you. He wasn't quick enough, though. A little bit of the venom went through your system, and your body had been fighting it for three days. I was so worried, Jake. I thought I was going to loose you," she explained, holding back her tears, but losing control of it in the end of her story.

"Shh, baby. Don't cry. I'll be fine. There's not much in this world that can beat this old wolf here," I said, trying to cheer her up.

"Vampire venom is one of those things," she replied, tears falling freely down her cheek.

"You were bitten, too. You were freezing. I thought that you were dying," I stated, wanting to know exactly what had happened.

"Yes. Grandpa Carlisle said that I had some kind of allergic reaction to the vampire venom. That was it. I was made from vampire venom, Jake. Apparently, this made me immune to its effects. I didn't change, I was just unconscious for a few minutes. You, on the other hand…" she said, shutting her eyes tightly, as if thinking about it was too painful for her.

"You're immune? That's great, Nessie. I was so worried," I replied, happily, squeezing her hand.

"Jake, there are so many things I want to tell you. So many things I have to apologize for," she said, hurriedly.

"You don't have to, Nessie. It's all in the past now. The only thing that matters is that you're okay. There's nothing more I want in this whole world," I whispered, taking her hand, and pulling it to my lips.

"Jake, why did you go to Mexico?" she asked, suddenly.

"You don't know?" I asked with a smile.

"I have an idea, but I want to hear it from you," she explained, blushing adoringly.

"I went there to take you home, Nessie. To tell you how much I missed you. I wanted to give your bracelet back, and tell you that I'm yours, Ness, even if you don't want me," I answered, sincerely.

"I want you," she said, simply.

"What?" I said, surprised. _'Did she mean what I want she meant?'_

"I want you, Jacob Black. I never wanted anyone else. It was always you. Adam was nothing. He was just something that I had never had before, but he never really mattered. You're the only one that always has mattered, Jake. I'm sorry if I found this out too late," she said, quietly.

"Are you serious?" I asked, astonished.

"Yes, she is, mutt. And don't you think that you won't have any rules just because of your imprinting. I had planned to give you a really hard time," Edward answered for her, entering the room, followed by Bella.

"Jake, I'm so happy that you're okay. You had scared us, you know that?" Bella said, ignoring Edward, and coming to stand beside me, kissing my cheek.

"I'm not done yet, Bella," Edward reprimanded her, annoyed.

"I know you´re not, silly husband of mine. But he just woke up, and they just admitted their feelings. Your wrath can wait a little longer," she said, smiling sweetly at him.

The guy instantly melted. Bella played him like a piano.

"I heard that, mutt," he retorted, bitterly.

"So? How many times do I have to tell you to get the hell out of my head?" I teased him.

"Oh, right, boys. Enough with the bickering. Jake has to rest. You coming, Nessie?" Bella said, pushing Edward out of the room.

"In a minute, mom," she said, smiling.

Bella nodded, and got out, pushing Edward even harder. He looked at me with narrowed eyes before leaving. I just rolled my eyes. _'Annoying leech.'_

"I heard that, too," he said from the hallway.

"You'll have to behave if we're going to get married, Jake. Dad will get crazy if you continue to tease him like that," Nessie said, smiling.

"What did you just said?" I asked, wide eyed.

"Jacob Black, would you marry me?" she replied, bending on her knees, and handing me the bracelet I made for her when she was an infant.

"Of course I will, Renesmee Cullen," I answered, feeling my heart inflating of happiness.

She got up, and sat on the bed, slowly approaching her lips toward mine. When they touched, I felt an electrical shock running through my body, and an unbelievable happiness took control over me.

Nothing else mattered in the world. I was finally home.

**The End. **

**A/N: Happy now? ;) I know I am. **

**How about that ending for a Christmas gift? BTW, Merry Christmas, everyone. **

**I had a lot of fun with this story, and I'm really amazed with the amount of support that readers gave me here on FF. Every single review was one more reason to keep writing this story. Thank you all for that. **

**Guess what? "Without the Sun" made it to the second round of The Avant Garde FanFiction. This round will be up until December, 26. Please, please, please, vote for my story. It would be the perfect Christmas Gift. **

**Oh, and talking about Christmas reminded me that I have a story running for The Nightmare Before Christmas Contest. **

**It's called "Christmas Gift", and it's the story of the first encounter of James & Victoria. Go check on it, I'm really proud of that story because it's dark – I had never done anything dark before – and vote for me if you like. The link is on my profile **

**I also hope you can find a time to read my new story, "Lost Paradise". Chapter 2 is already on, and it's very heartbreaking. **

**Thanks again for all your support. **


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